Putting the pack and play in the living room. X is not a huge fan of sleeping in his swing, I think it is too confining. He will do it for about 30 minutes, but then he wakes up cranky. I think he likes to stretch. Right now little man is asleep in the bassinet part of the pack n play though, all stretched out and happy, and I am blogging and drinking coffee, success!
Lately I have been only blogging about X, well, he is sort of all I do. Someone said the other day that they don't feel like a stay at home mom, they feel like an unemployed bum who happens to have a baby. I sort of feel that way. I also feel super bored and overwhelmed simultaneously. I don't think I am cut out for this staying home business. I just need more mental stimulation, and going to the zoo or park or mall, while better than staying home, just doesn't replace the insane amount of mental processing that teaching requires. Teaching is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I miss it. Even though it is still summer break, I miss planning for next year, I miss my kids, I miss my colleagues. I love my son more than anything in the world, and I wouldn't want it any other way (there is no way I could take him to a daycare now), but sometimes it is just too much. Too much
nothing. What did I do today? I worried about runny poop, I breastfed, I looked at facebook every ten minutes because I can do it one handed on my phone. I just don't love staying home, or going to the zoo, or really being a dairy cow. I love his smile and seeing him learn and do more everyday, and when (if) we have another one I want to take a year off, but really, how do people do this ALL THE TIME!
On the bright side, breastfeeding is WAY better. Like, I can totally do it. As soon as I stopped using the lanolin and switched to the other stuff I got so much better. Now I only use the other stuff when I pump or when X cluster feeds. It still hurts some, and I get crazy pinching/shooting pains inside, like where my rib cage is under my boobs, but not too bad. I don't have to take ibuprofen anymore. Seriously, it is better. For anyone reading this and struggling, it took more than two months, but it really is okay. Just think of it as the 4th trimester of pregnancy (yes, I know that is stupid) and the worst one. No sleep, painful breast, ridiculous mood swings--but a really awesome baby. I still miss feeling like my boobs are sexy. I am not sure I ever will again, or that Mike will, since the other day they were leaking all over the place as I was getting dressed and he was sitting right there. Oh bother. I guess they are made for feeding my son, not for sex, but boy would it be nice to use them for sex.
Speaking of which, I got my IUD the other day. I was so prepared for it to hurt. And it didn't. At all. I didn't even know it happened. Granted, X was screaming so I was distracted, but honestly the part that hurt the most was the damn jacking open of my vagina. Yeah, once again, MY BLOG. I had cramping afterwards for a few days, but nothing worse than my period other than that X likes to kick me right where I was cramping and that sucked. Some bleeding for a few days and now 99% effective birth control for 10 years!! Whoo hoo. No pills, no condoms, no hormones. Just toxic copper to kill Mike's sperm. Awesome. Now we can commence intimate activities. That is if I can get X out of our bed.
However, Mike is leaving for two weeks. Gulp. I manage now pretty well, but he comes home from work and holds the baby. We talk. We go for walks. He is usually my only adult interaction. And now he will be gone for two solid weeks. I realize people single parent, and spouses get deployed, and people have worse, much worse, than I do. But, I didn't sign up for any of that. I met someone who would never abandon his son, who makes enough money for me to stay home, and unfortunetly still has a year left on his military contract. I just didn't realize how hard two weeks alone would be. A few years ago I went to Cali for vacation and Mike kept Ella. He had to get up every day and walk her. After the first week he called to tell me how much it sucked to get up every day and walk her without a break. I had been doing that for about 6 months, but never said anything because she was my dog. He realized how bad it was and from then on always walked her when he worked nights and when he was off at least one day so that I could sleep. Now I have X and he can't get up with him and feed him, but I assure you it sucks just as much. Mike is awesome with Ella now, he walks her pretty much every day that he works. When he is off I try to leave X in bed with him and walk her if X is willing. That way my boys can sleep in since I usually can't because of X anyway. Or I will take both of them. The thing is, I can't have a break, ever. Being a mom is just different than being a dad, at least if you breastfeed. Anyway, now I have to walk the dog and take care of X. I can't just leave him in bed. Or take the dog out in the evening when Mike gets home. Nope, it will be get up, feed X, put him in a carrier (our stroller is broken) take the dog out, come home, make coffee, bathe X, put him down for a nap (hopefully), get a quick shower (hopefully), feed X, try to eat something, try to run errands or do chores, feed X, carrier, walk dog, try to eat something, feed X, try to do some chores or laundry, feed X, walk dog, feed X, bed. For two weeks. And then Mike gets back and goes to work. Oh well, at least I won't be walking the dog all the time.
