Holy Shit

I may be in early labor. According to everyone, that sentence means I am not. Everyone says that you will just know if you are in labor. I definitely don't know, so I guess I am not. I am, however, in an insane amount of pain, and I am blogging as my distraction method. I tried to sleep, that didn't happen. I have intense pain in my lower back. Enough to cry. I can't get it to stop. I took a bath, tried a hot pack, tried to walk, sit on a ball, sit in a chair, lay down. Nothing helps. Nothing really makes it any different. So I am sitting up, watching Law and Order: Special Victim's Unit, drinking water and OJ and seeing what happens. I am trying to time my "contractions" but it is hard. I am really just timing the pain waves in my back. It hurts ALL THE TIME, but there are times when it hurts so bad that I can't blog, or sit still, or anything. I can still walk and talk through it, but my body almost curls in pain. So I am timing that pain. It lasts about a minutes long, a little more, but it is hard to measure the beginning and the end since it slowly starts and ends and is so intense that I have muscle spasms. Right now I am feeling them anywhere from two minutes to seven minutes apart. I just don't really know what I am feeling. I hope it is labor because then this is all over and I get my baby. I just want my baby, but man, if this is early labor I am not going to make it through real labor. This lasts on average 6-12 hours. It has been going on since about 8 last night, but I didn't identify it as possible early labor until recently. So I guess we are about 5 hours in if this is really early labor. I really am in a lot of pain though, and I am not sure what to do to make it either get worse or better. I guess I am hoping for worse.

Ridiculous

I really don't feel like the baby is coming at all--but I have felt like he was before and he didn't, so maybe that is a good thing. I just feel like I am going to be pregnant forever and just keep getting bigger. It is out of control.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good

We had our 38 week appointment on Monday. According to my date it was actually 39 weeks, which is exactly where the baby measured. I have to say, I love my doctor. He explains everything in detail and really takes time to talk to us. Plus, since he is older, I feel like he has more faith in my ability to know what is going on and is less dependent on medical interventions. Essentially, I got out having an internal exam because he agreed that is means absolutely nothing. He also did a non-stress test to measure the baby’s reaction or movements, which X aced. So we don’t have to go back until May 31^st, which puts me at 41 weeks. If we don’t have a baby by then we will need to schedule an induction. Come on baby!

We also went to our baby class on Wednesday. The baby’s head is complete engaged! I can go into labor at any time. I also learned more about vaccination schedules, baby wearing and some other stuff. I just like baby classes, it makes me feel so much more prepared.

The Bad

I still don’t have a baby, and there is a definite possibility that I will go past my due date. Some people may see this as a good thing, but I don’t. Since the baby dropped I am in significant pain and working is very hard—as is putting on socks, walking, peeing and essentially doing anything. I am exhausted to a whole new degree. I am also getting nervous about going over and having to try some alternative means to avoid induction—like castor oil, nipple stimulation and god knows what else. I am also having WAY more mood swings, some of which I swear is hormonal, but some of which is just because I am stressed and tired and really sick of being pregnant.

The Ugly

I think I have been losing my mucus plug since the baby dropped on Saturday. I have never been so excited about something so gross before. I am also not sure, since I have never done this before and I really don’t want to call anyone and ask them what their mucus plug looked like and compare it to my own. I did finally break down and admit that I will need pads, which is a good thing since I will apparently bleed excessively for quite some time.

I am also (hopefully unnecessarily) paranoid about breastfeeding. My chest has not gotten any bigger (which makes me a very unattractive pregnant lady). They say it is a sign that something could be wrong if you breast size doesn’t change while pregnant, even though if you are small breasted it is fine. I am not small breasted, but they haven’t changed really. My rib cage has gotten a lot bigger so I had to get new bras, but that is it. I just really want to breastfeed, and financially, we need to.

Please let me have a baby tonight. Please.

1 Week

I am one week from my due date, 10 days from the doctor's due date. I guess it is good that the doctor's due date is further out, because X seems to like my belly a little too much.

We have a doctor's appointment today. I still really want a natural birth, so even though I am dying to have the baby, or just know what the hell is going on with him, I need to insist on not having an internal exam. Luckily, my doctor doesn't even start internal exams until 38 weeks and we had to push our appointment back a little because of Mike's schedule, so hopefully this will be the only time I have to convince the doctor, and myself, that I don't need one. Internal exams measure the dialiation of the cervix and the effacement. Unfortunately, those numbers mean absolutely nothing until you are in active labor. You can walk around 3 cm dilated and fully effaced for weeks, and you can go from 0 to 10 in a few hours (neither option is great). It isn't a predictor of labor, it just shows that thus far something, or nothing, has happened. And I am damned curious. But I have to keep repeating, it doesn't really matter. Plus, I would be slightly horrified if I was not at least partially effaced and a little dilated, and I am already starting to get really discouraged, so it is probably better to not take that chance.

The problem with internal exams is two fold, one is that you increase the bacterial levels near your cervix. Yes, of course, my doctor wears gloves, but there is all sorts of nasty bacteria around the bottom of the vagina that gets pushed up and left near the cervix. If it is effaced or dilated it can just chill there, or if it is inflamed it can cause an infection. Not what you want to do before giving birth. The second thing it can do is disrupt the amniotic sack and cause your water to break, or weaken it so that it breaks sooner. I am torn on this being a negative because it would mean that I would have a baby one way or another in 24 hours. That is the bad side though, one way or another. Once the sack is ruptured there is no going back, and if the baby doesn't make progress they will push medical interventions, which can lead to c-section. Now, it can also cause labor to progress faster or even start. So it is a toss up. But as Mike pointed out, the chance of it starting labor is not nearly worth the risk of pitocin and/or a c-section. I don't even want my water to break until I am in active labor. Transition or even pushing would be a good time. That is when my mom's water broke with both of us, so it sped up labor at the most uncomfortable time, leading to a quick delivery. That sounds ideal to me. Yet, every time I get out of bed, I am disappointed that I am not drenched in amniotic fluid, I am not going to lie.

For the last week there have been some noticeable changes. One is that I have felt a hell of a lot better. I can walk at a brisk pace, I have more energy and my swelling almost disappeared (except for my hands--which are a whole other problem at this point). I have also been having crazy mood swings. Maybe not mood swings, because that implies that they change rapidly, which they don't, but I am either grumpy, sad or extremely happy for no reason, all day. I just wake up that way. Emotionally this pregnancy has been easier than life without birth control. I really haven't had too many mood swings at all and have been overall a pretty pleasant person to everyone involved, even Mike. But this week. Man, I just wake up super angry, or sad, or ridiculously happy. Yesterday was an angry day, Friday was an annoyed day and Saturday was a happy day until I took a nap, then it was rough too.

On Saturday I woke up and walked for two hours. I felt great. I was happy and talking to people, all bubbly and pregnant, thinking about how nice everyone is to you when you are pregnant even though it was freezing cold. Then I got home and took a nap and my mom came over to go to lunch. She suggested that I may want to clean up my house a little and offered to help and I completely freaked out and started crying. Irrational. I am hoping all of this means that my body is doing whatever hormonal shifts it needs to do before I give birth, but man it is not so fun. Since my walk the baby dropped significantly and I am pretty sure he is engaged, which is good because if my water does break I don't need to worry as much about prolapse.

However, I have also returned to feeling miserable. Having him lower pulls totally differently, which makes me back and sides hurt. It also makes me need to pee even more--which I didn't think was possible. My stomach is super hard all of the time, so I have no idea if/when I am having contractions and if I manage to feel it, I can't time it. I think my body will get used to him being low soon and loosen up the skin, but until then I am just stuck this way. Swelling is back, but not as bad, or I know how to deal with it now, and the pressure I feel is really uncomfortable. I was sure I would have the baby after he dropped, but obviously not. Man, I just want him to come soon.

Grrr

Today is a bad day. Why? Because I am still pregnant, and I am SUPER cranky about it. Like irrationally angry. The baby dropped more yesterday. There was a storm. I should have a baby. No. Nothing. Another night without contractions. For the last month I have woke up with massive contractions. This week. Nothing. Baby, get your shit together and come out! I am over it. I don't want to go back to work. I don't want to go to the doctor. I don't want to do anything but go into labor--and there is NOTHING I can do about that, which is quite possibly the worst thing in the world to me. I hate not having any choice in anything.

If one more person tells me he will come when he is ready I am going to shoot them. See, it is my body. This is not just his decision. In fact, they don't even know what causes labor at all, so I could be him, or the placenta (I am not sure if that counts as him or me) or it could be my uterus, so there. Maybe he doesn't come when he is ready, maybe he comes when I am ready, and I am freaken ready. I don't think he should get 100% control of this situation. I just want my baby and my body back. Please come out baby, please start having contractions.

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Psych

I thought I may be having a baby last night, obviously not since I am blogging today. At around 4:00 yesterday I started to have some contractions, nothing abnormal, I have contractions off and on all the time now, but they seemed to be more frequent. I came home, walked Ella and I was still having them. I told Mike I had 3-4 of them in the last hour, I wasn't really sure since I wasn't paying attention all that much, but that is still a lot of them. So we went to the grocery store where I continued to have them, probably not every ten minutes, but somewhere between 10 and 15. They weren't painful, but they were getting steadily more uncomfortable and a few of them spread to my back which was sort of painful, like cramps. These are really good signs. I came home and ate some dinner (yummy cheese and bread with dipping sauce) and drank some juice to see if they would stop. They didn't. There was one period where they did slow down, to maybe 20-30 minutes apart once, but who knows, I could have had one and not noticed. Does that happen? Oh yeah. If I need to pee I always notice contractions, but if I just went pee there isn't a lot to notice, it is just my uterus tightening, so a lot of the times I don't really notice unless I am touching my belly or the baby is moving. Anyway, the baby got SUPER active and was pushing all over the place for another 20 minutes or so and I was hopeful that he was trying to get into a better position. We walked the dog and the contractions kept coming, I actually felt pretty good, I was walking pretty fast and not in pain at all--plus I was getting excited because it was 4-5 hours of consistent, time-able contractions. So we went to bed and I kept having them, so I laid down to sleep (that is what I am supposed to do, sleep through early labor until I can't anymore). When I laid down I got SUPER sick though. Like I felt as though I had drank a bottle of tequila with some poorly made sweet and sour. It was awful. I got up to puke, nothing. Standing made it a little bit better. I had horrible stomach cramps and the baby was still moving all over the place in there which didn't help the nausea at all. I tried hands and knees since Mike had the good point that it would give the baby more room to stop punching me, but it didn't stop. It hurt really bad, I was in tears. I am prepared to give birth and have no misconceptions that it will be painful, but if I could not feel sick at the same time that would be great. Finally I laid down and went to sleep. I am not sure when the contractions stopped. I rolled over and almost puked around 2am, but then went back to sleep for a little bit. This morning I am exhausted, my stomach hurts from the contracts and stomach ache and I am disappointed that my labor just stopped. I need to go to work, but I really don't want to. Yech.

The Waiting Game

Last week was the first week that I could really hope to go into labor. By now, it is getting annoying. I have nothing to do but wait, and wait, and wait. Technically I am 37.5 weeks, but we all know I think I am due sooner. The negative side of that is becoming apparent as I am more anxious than I should be I guess. I know people say that once the baby is here I will wish he was back inside because it was so much easier, but I doubt it. For one, Mike is amazing and helpful so I won't be doing it all alone. I just want someone else to be responsible for a little while.

More than anything I am so uncomfortable that sleep deprivation looks like a good option, plus I won't be working anymore. The swelling has definately started. I no longer have bones in my feet and my fingers look like sausages. I actually don't care how it looks, but it hurts. I had no idea you could swell so much that it would hurt, not just be awkward or uncomfortable. Also, the baby really doesn't have room, so he hurts me. If I sit up straight there is not enough room and he jams himself into my ribs and out my sides. The bottom of my belly is pretty painful too, I guess it is ligaments stretching to keep my stomach up. I have massive pain where my belly meets my legs I guess. I don't really know how to explain it. It gets a lot worse when I get up from sleeping, I think it must tighten up. Plus, I have no sense of moderation. So I do nothing for weeks, then I decide walk way to far to induce labor, which doesn't work, but it makes me exhausted and sore. Lame.

Anyway, on a positive note, the amazing Krystal Meisel took some amazing shots of me the other day. It was super fun, and she is amazing. I think everyone should do maternity shots with a fine art photographer rather than a portrait photographer. Why? See the photos!

37 Weeks

Technically full term. Come out baby!

Today brings two beautiful words: full-term. Now, whenever baby's born, he's likely to thrive. Also thriving? Your nesting instincts, which are behind those sudden urges to bake, clean, or embroider a onesie. (Feminists, take your issue up with nature, not with us.)

This week, you may expel the cervical mucus plug, aka "bloody show," at any time. If you're worried about stretch marks, be patient. They'll begin to fade a few months after you deliver. Stretch marks are caused by broken collagen fibers under your skin's surface. The strength of your collagen is genetic, so if your mom got stretch marks, you probably will, too. The hormone relaxin is causing all of the smooth muscle in your body to unclench. You'll feel like you have loose "rag-doll" joints. You're probably having Braxton-Hicks contractions, which you may or may not notice. How can you tell these contractions from the real thing? If you have to ask, they probably aren't. Real contractions grow progressively stronger, more intense, and more regular.
Baby's now the size of a watermelon!
Your full-term (yay!) baby is gaining about 1/2 ounce a day and getting his first sticky poop (called meconium) ready. He's also brushing up on skills for the outside world: blinking, sucking, inhaling, exhaling, and gripping (it's getting strong!).

Your baby has likely hit the six-pound mark by now, and her length is approximately twenty-one inches. The weight on your abdomen probably feels like twice that. Your baby is practicing her breathing, but she has increasingly less space to practice stretching and kicking. Your baby' intestines are also building up meconium, a greenish-black substance made of baby by-products such as dead cells, shed lanugo, and amniotic fluid. It'll become your little darling's first bowel movement, hopefully after she is out of the womb. Her body fat has increased to about eight percent. By birth, it'll be about fifteen percent. If your baby is a boy, his testes will have descended into his scrotum. While your baby could be born at any time, the longer she stays in, the more time she has to develop the connections in her brain in the pleasant peace and quiet of your womb. At this point, she can do all the things a newborn can, with the exception of breathing air and pooping in a diaper. Just as you're feeling stretched, your baby is being squeezed on all sides. Some of your antibodies are crossing the placenta, giving your baby's immune system some support for her first days in the world. If you breastfeed, you'll later be giving her immunities in your milk.

The nursery is DONE!

Last night Mike put the finishing touches on the nursery. Well, almost, we still need a trash can and some stuff to put on the shelves, but that is it. It is so nice to have something done! We don't have all of X's stuff in his room because he won't actually use it there, so his carseat and stroller are downstairs and his swing and bouncy chair will live in the living room since that is where he will use it (we have to get rid of a recliner to fit his swing, they are roughly the same size :) His pack 'n' play is also in our room since we are using it as a bassinet for the first few months. I am so excited, I love his room. Ignore the odd lines and discoloration in the first two photos, I was trying to pan the room and then merge them, which worked okay as long as you don't look too close.



I am super proud of the book sling that I made since I have never really sewn anything aside from costumes before in my life, and his name letters that are hanging on the wall, I love them too. I actually really like the tree too, but in the pictures it annoys me that it is "floating," in person it doesn't bother me though.

Miserable

I am not sure what happened in the last few days, but I went from an uncomfortable, slightly cranky pregnant woman to a miserable pregnant woman in significant pain. What changed? I have NO idea. I felt great on Wednesday, well, as great as one can feel while carrying around 30 pounds directly in front of you. I was in a good mood, I enjoyed my labor class, Mike and I had a good evening, I was uncomfortable, but nothing too bad. Then, on Thursday morning I woke up with swollen hands and feet and while walking Ella I started to have Braxton Hicks contractions. They began as normal BH, but soon turned into uncomfortable contractions and I started to get cramps in my back. I even considered calling into work, but I had two kids with interviews and one of our teachers was already out. So I went to work and it was okay except I kept having BH. By lunch time I was having them pretty consistently every 30 minutes apart and was miserable. I went to the interviews and lunch and just felt like crap. Then I had professional development after work for an hour and half and almost cried at the injustice of it all (hormonal imbalance for sure). By the time I made it home I was miserable. I didn't really sleep that night because my stomach hurt so much from all the BH so I couldn't put any pressure on it. See, you can't sleep on your back and when I lay on my side, even with my knees propped up on pillows, my gigantic belly still either touches my legs or the bed or the pillow, and none of these were acceptable and if my belly button rubbed against anything, like if I sank a little into the pillow or rolled over than the blanket touched me, it was extremely painful. What the hell? So, I woke up on Friday, walked Ella and said hell with this and called into work. I slept in the recliner belly up and then on the floor and the BH finally stopped. Since then I have felt better, but just not good. It is like I am learning to live with it, but it is awful. I am hoping this means labor is imminent. Next time I get pregnant, I am taking leave starting at 38 weeks. If I had to make it through one more week of work I would be fine, I could psych myself up for that, but right now I am looking at the possibility of 4 (that is when the last day of school is, and if X comes late, I will be there). F this.

X is fine. He is measuring at 37 weeks as of Friday, which is perfect. He is head down, but not fully engaged yet. He dropped some though. I had a strep B test, I will get those results soon. The doctor said that everything I was experiencing, including the cramping, is totally normal, albeit sucky. I am just really hoping he comes at 38 weeks. I did my mom that favor, I think it is fair. Plus we are ready for him. The baby room is done except for a trash can which we can't seem to find. Everything is washed and put away. We have all the furniture, clothes and toys we need. The room is clean and ready except for things I need Mike to do (like use power tools) but even if that didn't happen it would be okay. I know everyone says it is easy to have him inside, and I get that, but right now I am the only one who can do anything for him, and I am really sick of being in charge. I just want someone else to take care of him, even for a little while. Oh, plus Mike thinks I made up the existence of relaxin so I would like him to have to do something to take care of the baby for a while instead of thinking that the fact that all of my joints don't line up anymore and are constantly relaxed is all in my head and that I am just huge and therefore have a hard time doing things when there is really a physiological reason other than the 30 pounds I carry around these days.

On a super good note, Mike's work sort of rocks at baby stuff and they provide a medical grade breast pump, the Medela Symphony, a $1600 pump! Well, I am hoping they provide it. They do provide one, but it says first come first serve and there may be a waiting list. We filled out the paper work and Mike faxed it in, but we haven't heard from them and Mike hasn't emailed or called them to check in on it. Which is frustrating to me since I had a coupon that expired today, but his point is that they have the paperwork. My point is that he faxed it and faxes tend to get lost and misplaced and we need to know if we have one so I can buy one if not, especially since they are SO expensive. Plus, I am now really attached to the idea of having a great pump instead of the shitty one I would have bought. They also give each child a carseat! We already bought an infant seat, but we will still need one for X when we is bigger and they have one for 22 pounds until 80 pounds (it converts to a booster seat). And it is totally free which is freaken awesome.

We also tried to get maternity photos, but every time I make a date with the photographer it snows. It is the end of May, why the hell is it still snowing? So, that is the only reason I see for him to stay in, and every day I am more miserable that seems less important.

I feel like I can really start hoping for him on 5/5/11 when the Dr thinks he is 37 weeks and by 5/9/11 I am going to start talking to him constantly about getting the hell out, because that is when I think he is 38 weeks and there is no reason for him to need more time cooking. It is bizarre, I keep hoping I have all of these gross and/or painful things happen because they are a sign of labor. Like I hope I feel him drop and need to pee more, and I hope I lose my mucous plug, pretty soon I am going to hope that my water breaks. What the hell? Who thought I would ever wish for such things?

Here is the 36 week update, even though we are almost 37 now. The photos are also from exactly 36 weeks, when I was still happy and only slightly uncomfortable.



Baby's skin is getting smooth and soft, her gums are rigid, her liver and kidneys are in working order, and her circulation and immune system are basically good to go. Her lungs are the only organs that still need to fully mature, but every day she gets a little closer to breathing on her own.

With one month to go, your baby weighs about six pounds and is fattening. Her full length from crown to feet is about 20 1/2 inches. Has your baby's movement slowed down? If so, you shouldn't worry. Five to ten percent of all mothers report that babies start to slow down as they grow larger and get more cramped for space. Still, you should be able to feel your baby move more than ten times a day. If you're concerned, try drinking a sweet beverage, such as orange juice, and then lying on your side for a while. Most babies will wake up and start to move. If you're still concerned, contact your healthcare provider.

Baby should soon descend into your pelvis, which will give your lungs a little room to breathe (literally). The bad news: This puts the brunt of baby's weight on your hips and pelvis, and will make them pretty sore. Add in your ever-loosening ligaments, and you may soon be taking on that oh-so-adorable pregnancy waddle.

As women in the grocery store have probably already told you, you look like you could go any minute. And they may be right—your due date just suggests a time when the baby's likely to be born. In reality, you could go into labor any time between now and six weeks from now! Your belly button is becoming flattened, and may even stick out like a wine cork. You may feel a lightening sensation on your ribs and organs as your baby descends into your pelvis. Breathing and eating will be easier, but you'll be running to the bathroom more often than ever, and the change in pressure may cause shooting pains in your groin or leg. If you're aching (and we don't see how you couldn't be), indulge in a pregnancy massage from a professional masseuse, or find a pool, and take a swim. At home, try sitting on an exercise ball to take pressure off of your back.

Baby Steps and Bigger Steps

Last night we pre-registered at the hospital, took a tour and got some questions answered. Let’s start by saying that this hospital is nicer than most hotels I have stayed in. The labor and delivery rooms are HUGE. They have a bed, a fold out couch, a rocking chair, an armoire with a refrigerator. All of the machines and equipment are on shelves so it seems less medical and all of the rooms have private bathrooms with bathtubs. They have individual thermostats and adjustable lighting, plus a large window. They have WiFi and ESPN. For real. I swear, I almost don’t want to labor at home just so I can spend more time in the labor and delivery ward.

After birth you get to stay there for 1-2 hours, until mom can walk and baby has had a chance to bond with parents and breastfeed. Awesome. It seems pretty normal to not have visitors in these rooms, which is what I want. I haven’t decided if I want my mom to be there when the baby is born. Part of me does, but I have been warned about it by numerous people, so I am a little concerned. Anyway, I think I will totally want my mom after the baby is born. Not for the baby at all, but for me. I feel a little bit guilty because I don’t want any other visitors during that first hour—I just want time for me and Mike to bond with X and practice feeding, but I think I will want my mom too. I don’t know, maybe I won’t.

After you have recovered they take you to the baby and mom rooms. They don’t actually have a nursery, which is awesome, so the baby rooms in. This is when and where they do all of the tests and stuff—so after the baby has had a chance to bond. They will give him the Vitamin K shot, the eye drops (which I am sort of opposed to, but I don’t think enough to fight it, essentially it seems useless, but not dangerous, so whatever) and a bath. It is so nice that right after the baby is born they won’t take him to the side and give him shots and a bath. I mean, the poor little guy will have just been through a huge, traumatic event, giving him an hour or so to snuggle is a better choice. The rooms are not as nice, and definitely not as large, but still pretty good sized. There is a bed, armoire, fridge, private bathroom with shower and a fold out futon chair thing, plus a window. Oh, and a bassinet for the baby. I guess they don’t want you walking around in the ward carrying the baby because of safety. I mean, if someone was going to steal a baby, they probably wouldn’t grab the entire rolling bassinet. This is when and where we will take visitors. I think it will be easier to have visitors at the hospital than at home. I will feel less pressure to entertain people and I think people won’t stay as long. That is my hope. We need to find a way to communicate this with our families without sounding bitchy though. It isn’t that I don’t want guests, I totally do, I just think I may be super exhausted and I don’t want people staying for hours and hours.

The hospital has a 65-75% epidural rate, and the national average is about 75% so that isn’t too bad, but it definitely could be a lot better. I doubt I will find a nurse that is super into natural birth, but you never know. They do heplock instead of IV and there is a chance for intermittent monitoring using a Doppler rather than a band, which is pretty great if I am in the bathtub. I just don’t want to have to get back in bed every hour and lay there for 20 minutes. Plus, I asked about getting admitted and they will send you home, which is good because a lot of hospitals won’t, they will just let you labor for a few hours and then push pitocin, which is currently my greatest apprehension.

We also filled out basic information and the birth certificate form. That was so real. It was odd to write a name for a baby that doesn’t really exist yet. I mean, he exists, but it just isn’t the same. Like, if he just stayed in utero he wouldn’t need his own name, he would just be my baby. Also, I learned about paternity assignment. In the state of CO if you are married there is no need to prove or even claim paternity, it is just assumed. Which totally explains why Mike had to take a paternity test for his ex-wife’s son even though they both said it wasn’t his. Anyway, I Mike and I can’t just say the baby is his, he has to fill out another form acknowledging legal and financial responsibility for X. So, what happens if you are not talking to the mom or at the hospital when the baby is born? There is just no dad on the certificate and you have to go through the paternity determination stuff from the state. That seems rather ridiculous to me, if both people say he is the dad, what is the problem? Anyway, I am glad we know what we want/need to do to make sure Mike is established as the father right away.

In Mike and Donna news, we are opening a shared checking account tonight. Gulp. It is starting with just X’s money, so that we can get everything we still need for him. But we are going to transition our direct deposits to this account and pay all of our bills from it. Our bills. Holy crap. I was married to Devin and we NEVER shared a bank account. I mean, he had access to mine and a bank card (which he used to buy Heather lunch one day when he was out of his own money and figured, yeah, I am broke, why not use my wife’s money to buy another girl lunch) but we never shared anything. We always had separate bills and separate accounts. I never knew how much anything he did cost, or where he spent his money, or even how much money he actually made. But soon Mike and I will be sharing all of this information, and when this year is over we will be sharing one paycheck. That is sort of huge on the Donna anti-commitment scale. We have a good budget and plan, and I am not at all worried about the actual money part (aside from just not having enough) but it is more the symbolism behind it. We will have checks with both of our names on them. Wow. I think that gets us really close to common law marriage in CO. Not as far as Coors is considered for insurance, but I think shared checking could be used as evidence, especially since he will be supporting me and our son. Holy crap, we are going to have a son, like a really small human who belongs and is made of us. Wow.

My belly

Oh god, I really, really miss my belly. I know I get a baby out of this deal, but I am so scared of extra skin and stretch marks and just never looking like I did before. What prompted this panic? I was looking at pictures I took when I thought I looked pregnant and was sure EVERYONE would notice. I also miss being able to lay on said belly and have sex (in more than one position and without feeling like I may die from exertion--that is enough motivation for me to never be fat). I am so over being pregnant. I just want my body back.

Milk

Today I went to the grocery store, and like every other week I bought a half gallon of milk. We aren't really big milk drinkers, but it makes me nuts to run out of milk ever so I generally buy it every week. Plus, organic milk has a really long shelf life. I remember milk going bad a lot when I was a kid, and even when I was an adult, but I think organic milk does last longer. What the hell does this have to do with the baby? By the time I need to throw that milk out (if I don't drink it by then) I will have a baby. HOLY SHIT! For real, the expiration date on the milk is further out that my due date, and I swear, this little boy had better not come late. Somehow that little reminder made this entire thing so real. Like a baby. In a month. One I cannot return. That is so crazy.

In real baby news, X is super into moving a lot. He had a slow few weeks and I sort of thought it was due to size, like he didn't have enough room to move. Maybe that is true, but he has put on some muscle or something because he manages to move a lot. He pushes out my belly button, which is comical but extremely uncomfortable since nothing has ever touched that skin before since it is inside skin. He pushes out on my side, mostly the right but not always, to the point that I am completely lopsided and look like I have a large tumor or hemorrhage in my side. He also likes to push pretty far up, not in my ribs. I think it is an arm, but I am not sure. It is long and thin. I also get tons of kicks down low, either in the back or the front. Like, where that fold line is at your pelvic line where your belly ends. I had it before I was pregnant, although it is a lot more pronounced now. I feel a lot of kicks there, which confuses me because his head should be there. The doctor said the baby was head down and even did an ultrasound. He said he could still flip--but it was unlikely and I would feel it. I don't think I have felt that. So, he must still be jack knifed and like having a leg on each side of his head, because that is the only I can figure that I feel kicking in both places at the same time and him having his head down. I just hope he isn't sunny side up, because that is supposed to be insanely painful.

In my news, I am freaking out about everything I need to get done. It is the end of the school year which has inherent loose ends at work (although my boss is pretty awesome and we talked about how to fill my position for one year while getting a good replacement, I guess it is good I am super qualified to teach everything). I also need to do a shit ton of laundry. I have a hard enough time making sure I have clothes to wear every day, but you have to wash everything for a baby. I was thinking of just clothes, but you have to wash pillow covers, blankets, sheets, car seat cover, swing covers, carriers, everything. Not to mention diapers that need washed 7 times. 7! Our living room has become a make shift nursery because I look at it and just get overwhelmed. I know I should put stuff away, make piles of laundry, wash laundry whatever, but I just look at it and sit on the couch and day dream about the baby. So I do what I do best, I make to do lists. I am an amazing to do list maker. The only problem is I make to do lists instead of actually doing anything on it. I also tend to be less productive when Mike isn't around. I haven't really seen him in a few weeks. Friday he was home and we ran some errands, but I didn't see him for the rest of the weekend, so it has been about two weeks since we were both home except that one night. I feel like a lot of this needs to be done together, which is idiotic. I can order items we are missing online. I can do laundry. I definitely can carry the baby tub upstairs and put it in his room. I get exhausted doing anything, and my back pretty much always hurts, as well as this insane pain in my pelvis which I hope is the baby descending into my uterus. But, I do have an amazing list :) So, I figured I would post it here and see if I can get it done. Lets hope that nesting instinct happens soon, as this list is sort of ridiculous.

Nursery: hang wall hangings, hang wall shelves, hang book sling (cut & paint dowels), put away baby items, put up decals, clean drawers in dresser

Shopping: postpartum items (fun times--Tucks pads, gigantic pads, etc), robe, diapers, wipe solution, baby items left on registries (a TON of stuff), queen mattress pad, pick out baby announcements

Cleaning: shampoo carpets, wash curtains, dust everything, clean windows and mirrors, normal cleaning (bathrooms, floors, dusting major furniture), wash all baby items, wash/boil diapers, organize cabinets for baby items, install light fixture in entry room

Actually birth stuff: Write birth plan, write/discuss friends and family plan, practice labor techniques, pack for hospital, install car seat, meet with Amy about coaching

Maybe it is my to do list that is overwhelming me :)



Mama News:
Your size is probably making you really uncomfortable. You're carrying so much extra weight and fluid that simple things can be tiring. If your job requires sitting all day, take frequent breaks to walk around and stretch your legs (if you have the privacy to lie down for a few minutes or do stretches on your hands and knees, even better). You'll see your care provider once every one or two weeks now. If you have other children, this can be a poignant time, because it is the last few weeks of being a family in the way that you're used to. Don't forget to arrange care for any children or pets for the two to three days you'll be in the hospital. Ask a neighbor to collect your newspapers and mail.
With baby's head pressing squarely on your bladder, you're probably clocking some quality time in the bathroom. On a similar note, if you're finding it tough to poop, load up on the fiber. Whole grains, veggies, and dried fruits (but not all at once!) should loosen things up.

Baby News:
At more than five pounds and between sixteen and twenty inches, your baby is becoming more ready for birth with every passing hour. He's the size of a small roasting chicken. His nervous system and immune system are still maturing, and he's adding the fat that he'll need to regulate his body temperature. But, everything else, from his toenails to the hair on her head, is fully formed. If he were born now, she'd have more than a ninety-nine percent chance of surviving. From now on, baby's growth is mostly in the plumping up department -- though he won't get much longer, he'll put on a pound or more of baby fat before birth. (He's about 15 percent right now and will be about 30 percent by full-term.) His hearing is totally developed (tip: baby responds best to higher pitches), and if he really is a "he," his testes have probably completed their descent.

35/35

Tomorrow is 35/35--which I think is the last milestone before labor. I will be 35 weeks pregnant and have 35 weeks left, although I keep talking to X about coming a little early. Like a week. I am pretty done being pregnant and every day it seems like I get more uncomfortable. On the other side, I definitely don't want him to come earlier than that, and we are definitely not ready. However, I don't see me doing a whole lot in a few weeks since doing much now is hard. I have been having insane pain really low in my pelvic area which is either pelvic girdle pain or the baby has dropped. I have no idea which, and I don't really care, but I am pretty over it. It seems like the baby floats up a lot when I sleep because I feel him really high and then have Braxton-Hicks during the night and he settles back down, so I am not sure he has really dropped. What it really comes down to is that I know nothing about any of this because I have never done it before, and reading just doesn't tell you how it will be for you. My belly button is also popping out. It has been for a few weeks, but now it is a little bit out and I can see it through my shirt. It is actually painful, or maybe just really sensitive and uncomfortable, but it is not nice. I mean, that skin has NEVER touched anything before. And now it is all out and rubbing against stuff. I am getting my maternity photos next week, and I REALLY hope I don't just spend the whole week developing other gross things like varicose veins and stretch marks. My belly looked really pretty yesterday, just let it last one more week, please.

Warning: TMI

I also have been looking into ways to prepare my body for childbirth. I mean, I already drink a million cups of red raspberry leaf tea every day to help strengthen my uterus, but there are other things I can do. So the other morning I was out for breakfast with a pregnant friend (which has removed all barriers from our friendship and opened conversations about everything completely normally unacceptable). We were talking about Strep B and evening primrose oil and such and she asked if I had started perineal massage. The thing is, there is no way I can do perineal massage--like I litterally cannot reach. How do I know this? I attempted to shave, um yeah, the other day. Shaving my legs is pretty rough in and of itself. I get really unstable and have a hard time reaching everything while standing on one leg. About a month ago I shaved without too many complications. It wasn't easy, but it was possible to just sort of lift up my belly or work around it. This time, no. Impossible. I can no longer see down there, and there is no way to move my belly. So, I had to use a mirror. Let me just tell you, it was damn near impossible and I will not be attempting that again. I felt like I did a great job, but I ended up with wicked razor burn and small nicks. I am not sure how, I mean seeing isn't really that important, but apparently it is. Regardless, I couldn't see or really reach very well with a razor--how the hell does anyone do perineal massage? And I love Mike, but that is so far over my comfort zone that I can't even handle it. Which slightly worries me about childbirth in general, but I don't care, I am not doing it.

Honeydew--Holy Crap!

Growing has slowed down, the circumference of my belly has been the same for over a week and I haven't gained any weight in about a week too--which truly is a blessing, I felt like my belly was going to literally rip open. I had been experiencing some new pains though and I am honestly thinking I won't make it to 40 weeks. Although I am completely healthy and I don't have any complications all of my mom's pregnancies ended around 38 weeks. Obviously this isn't science, but I just feel like the baby will be a little bit early. Granted, that may be wishful thinking. This week I have been having crazy Braxton-Hicks contractions, which are completely normal. Most people describe them as painless tightening in a portion of the belly lasting less than a minute and fading. Mine are not like that, they are painful. The only other time I had BH was when I was sick and therefore dehydrated. Now I am getting them pretty regularly, and I wasn't even sure it was BH until I read up on different people's experiences. To me it feels like my stomach is too small for the baby and like he is pushing to get out, but all over, in way more places than he could possibly push, and not lumpy like arms and legs and back, but as if you put a large bowl over him and let him push it outwards. I also get cramps during them and feel like I did a bunch of situps. At first I was concerned, but I found a lot of other women that experience this type of thing, so I am not worried at all, but I do think it is a sign of more imminent labor--not like next week or anything, but it seems like my body is practicing pretty hard so I assume it is getting close. Regardless, it is exhausting and painful and often makes me stop walking or change position (which is how my mom told me to tell between real labor and false labor--false labor will not stop with a change in position and you won't be able to continue with the same activity, you will change what you are doing). I also have a miserable time picking stuff up from the floor, which makes putting away the gigantic pile of baby stuff that erupted in my living away pretty impossible. It is the last foot or so that makes it hard, so large items are okay if they have way to life them like a handle, but small things, oh my god, it is impossible.

I also have another baby shower on Sunday from the teachers I used to work with at Welby. I am super excited to see everyone. I am expecting pretty small things--clothes, blankets, things other people know I will need :) It is a double shower for me and another guy, so I am assuming presents will be less since people have to buy two, they are all teachers and it is coed. Mostly I am excited just to see these people, I LOVED working with them and I can't wait to just visit. Plus, I get a haircut before that which I desperately need :)

I am starting to feel the pressure to get things done--baby clothes washed, other items bought, nursery finished, house cleaned, hospital bag packed, birth plan written, etc. It isn't really nesting since I am not doing it, I am just stressing about it, but maybe it is pre-nesting or something. Six more weeks at the most, well seven I guess, seems so soon.

In baby news:
Baby's now the size of a honeydew!
Baby can recognize and react to simple songs...time to start practicing your lullabies! In fact, baby will recognize frequently sung tunes after birth and probably find them soothing. Less cute news: She now urinates about one pint per day. Get the diapers ready!

Your baby weighs five pounds or more, about the size of a bag of sugar. He will continue to gain about two or more pounds in the next six weeks. Now that your baby's brain has formed billions of neurons, it must accomplish the even more complex feat of hooking the neurons and synapses together. Your baby's brain is forming trillions of connections, making it possible for him to learn in the womb. All of this brain development may be the reason that your baby sleeps frequently at this stage. He may even be dreaming—his eyes dart around rapidly just as an adult's might in REM sleep. Your child's development is in no way complete at birth. In the first year after birth, a baby's brain triples in size and becomes three-quarters of its adult size.

The loveliness of pregnancy:
No, it's not (just) the lack of sleep that's making your vision fuzzy. Pregnancy hormones and fluid buildup can affect your eyes' curvature and tear production, making them extra-itchy and sensitive. No matter what your vision's like, take a look toward the light -- less than two months to go!

The volume of your uterus is five hundred to one thousand times larger than before you got pregnant, so it's safe to say you're feeling huge and slow. You're still running to the bathroom frequently and probably will from here on out. Try to drink a lot of water early in the day, so you don't get thirsty at night and make things worse. If you haven't purchased your baby's car seat and installed it facing rear-ward in the backseat of your car yet, do it now. You'll also want to start thinking about what you want to pack in your hospital bag.

Baby Shower Mostly Presents

I had my baby shower today. It was pretty great. I was surprised by who showed up. I have a lot of aunts and very few of them made it, as well as very few cousins. I did have a lot of friends come though, which was pretty awesome. The party was also supposed to be from 1-3. Quite a few people got lost so they were late arriving, so we didn't even start presents until after three and a lot of people had to leave around then. It was totally fine with me, it just made it more of a staggered party, which is sort of nice in a way. I felt bad that so many people got lost though. It was good we didn't do games, that would have been a disaster. It was just a party--which is what I wanted. I forgot my camera though and therefore only have pictures from home. I will get pictures from other people though. I finally got a few pictures from my mom.


Here is all of the awesome stuff we got though :)

We also got a stroller and this swing--but they are in the garage and I am not carrying them up. Okay, so what is in these bags? I lot of cute soft things. The softest of which being loveys which are apparently irresistible since I got so many :) I admit, they are the cutest, softest things on the planet.

Next on the list of "way more than I expected" are receiving blankets. I read that people get you a lot of these, but I was still shocked. We got 16 (4, 4-packs) actual receiving blankets and two thermal blankets that my aunt said she liked more than receiving blankets because they have more stretch. I guess someone gave them to her once and she loved them, so now she gives them to first time moms. Seems reasonable. You use these blankets for everything--swaddling, burping, diaper changing, wind blocks. But 16? I am not sure I need all of those, and I am not sure I don't. Time to whip out a book :) We also got a really nice, soft blanket that is actually warm.
I have a very talented aunt who does interior design who made me these beautiful wall hangings and ottoman. The ottoman is also to help the baby learn to walk since it doesn't move and it has places to hang toys and other items that the baby wants. I love that she made them for me and I love how well they match a nursery that she has never seen.

Along the lines of the nursery are these great pillows and decor items from my other aunt. I think they are super cute.

Here is all of the super practical stuff we got--first aid kit, comb and brush, bath tub, bottle rack, bottles, dishwasher basket, pacifiers, butt paste, teaching ring, sippy cup, mattress cover, sheets--you get the idea.

Clothes!! First up we have the cutest baby gap outfit ever! Mike will totally love it and it is so soft. You just can't beat Gap for softness. Next we have a four piece outfit that is actually for 9 months, which will be awesome because we have no clothes for that age and the clothes are wintery which is perfect. We also got a sleep sack which is just like a giant blanket for sleeping. After that we have the froggies, which I suppose is why you shouldn't shop until after you baby shower. Whatever, I have the receipt and obviously my friends and I have the same great taste--except now I have matching pants, bibs and shoes (with little froggies in them)!! Then we got three packs of onsies, a pack of hats, a couple pairs of pants and these awesome kimono style shirts with pockets on the sleeves to prevent the baby from scratching himself. Brilliant. Last we have super cute overalls with a polo and a cute romper thing. I think I want more romper things like that, I like them.

My cousin is also a midwife and will hopefully attend X's birth. She gave me lavender spray, an awesome book of affirmations for delivery and a baby sling. My mom, on top of everything else she gave us, and gave me an Ergo carrier and baby insert--so I am all good to carry the baby (my mom also got us the car seat and stroller which I didn't photograph because they are in the garage).

Mike's aunt got us this diaper bag filled with stuff. I am super picky about diaper bags, which is why didn't register for one, I just bought one for myself (let's face it, a diaper bag is really for the parents) and Mike registered for a backpack. Although this is a nice bag and was filled with stuff, I will probably donate it to someone else because we already have one (that I love) and Mike really wants a back pack.

We also got a variety of cloth diaper necessities. We got three wetbags (we already have one) and a wipes kit (it comes with wipes, glycerin soap pellets to make solution, a spray bottle and a tub). Aren't the wetbags gorgeous? To think, all of that for poopy diapers.

Finally, toys. We didn't get many, but we did get a few rattles on the ottoman above, a mobile, some keys and stacking toy and an awesome sound machine that is also a plush giraffe.

Overall, we got some really awesome stuff. I learned a few things too, I will not buy people stuff that is not on their registry, unless it is homemade. People spend a lot of time on registries and need that stuff so unless you know it is amazing, or it is clothes or one of a kind, just buy the bottles they wanted, okay? Second, I learned to not register for so many darn blankets, I never thought we would get so many. Maybe we need that many? Finally, people do really want and need practical stuff. Baby stuff is cute, but people need bottles and baby shampoo.

We are pretty well set at this point. There is still a lot of buy, but nothing too critical. We have to get a mattress, pack and play (to use as a bassinet) and sheets for the pack and play. And a breast pump and accessories, which I didn't register for because that would be awkward. I think those are the only things we really, really need.

I read a lot of blogs. Most of them are photography, cooking or craft related. I don't really read a lot of blogs of people I actually know. For that matter, I read all of one blog for a person I actually know and a few of people I know of, mostly because I was directed to one posting and decided stalking a stranger sounded like a great idea. Anyway, I have started to read more baby, stay at home mom, pregnancy type blogs and I came across Pregnant Chicken. I have actually read it before, but I forgot to bookmark it. She is HILARIOUS, like contending with dooce.com hilarious. However, this post was actually super relevant. Yesterday my mom asked what I wanted on my baby shower cake. I told her frosting? I thought that was a good answer and I really wasn't being facetious (that took a lot of spell check to get right), but she informed me that it needed to be decorated. What the hell do you put on a baby shower cake? Way to get knocked up? Anyway, check this out.
Baby Shower Cakes
Oh yeah, don't forget to read the captions.

Basketball

This is a photo college demonstrating two months of growth, the first is from 2-2, the second is 3-4 and the third is 4-2. So, 61 days from the first to the third. OMG make it stop. Can you imagine what I will look like if I grow at this rate for another 50 days ???

32 Week Appointment

Yesterday we had our 32 week appointment--hopefully I only have two more! Our doctor was an hour late, yeah, fun times. Oh well, I guess Kaiser enjoys making me wait. I still really like our doctor and I just assume something happened that morning. Anyway, I had some mild concerns, nothing that I felt was pressing or urgent (I did wait for my scheduled appointment) but the doctor wanted to check my amniotic fluid anyway. So, I had a wonderful pelvic exam (which gets more painful as I get more pregnant I think) and then a surprise ultrasound!! It wasn't the cool ultrasound where you can see everything, it was just the little machine that they have in the office that they use to check for a heartbeat at 8 weeks--so we couldn't see the whole baby at once--or his face since he was facing my spine, but we could see the back of his head, his spine and ribs, his lungs breathing, his fist and one giant foot. I wasn't expecting that, but it was awesome. His heartbeat was 144 and his lungs looked really good (I think, at least the doctor was happy with it). My amniotic fluid was fine through the exam and the ultrasound, so nothing to worry about. He talked to us a little bit about preterm labor again, reasons to come in or call and gave Mike a DVD on circumcision.

I find it amusing that they have a video. When I was born everyone was circumcised, I think it is more of a decision now. I think most people probably still do have it done, but it is not automatic. The American Pediatric Association doesn't recommend it, but they don't recommend against it either--they say it is a personal and religious decision. Essentially they say that circumcision lowers some risks but very mildly, and that other people say that having foreskin teaches boys better hygiene which then lowers the risks anyway. It also says that the risk of infection FROM the surgery is about the same as the risk of infection from not having it done--so it doesn't really matter.

I think it is Mike's decision, but if there wasn't a Mike I wouldn't do it. First, I am not a guy, so I don't really care or maybe I don't get it. I have had sex with uncircumcised guys and never really cared. It was way easier to get certain things done :) That may be a down side for some guys. No idea. The main reason I wouldn't is because it is painful, and it is just a tiny baby. You can't explain to him that it will hurt, or need to heal. It just hurts him and I would assume it hurts like hell when he pees. Babies can't reason logically, but I am sure they get "when I do this it hurts" scenarios. It seems mean to make a baby's first week result in when I pee it burns. However, risk of infection is really low, they do use numbing agents for the actual procedure and in the long run he won't remember it at all. I don't mind that Mike wants to get it done, I really don't care that much, I just don't want anyone freaking out about it if we chose not to. It is not dangerous either way, it is not a medical decision, it is a personal decision, and if everyone could just acknowledge that I would be a lot happier and not feel the need to educate everyone :) I think there is a lot of misinformation out there about how it will get infected, but there is just as much information saying that an exposed penis is dangerous too--it just isn't as main stream. Neither are cloth diapers, but they are still a really good choice.

Other than that, gigantor is not really gigantic at all. He isn't small or anything, but the doctor did not seem at all surprised by the size and he is measuring perfect at 32 weeks, which I would assume puts him in the 50th percentile--which makes me happy. It is not a very accurate reading, it can be off from 1-2 weeks, but that is no big deal as I want to deliver at 38 weeks anyway :) The baby is tall though. His head is down by my pelvis, the doctor said he can still flip, but probably won't. I always feel him kicking REALLY low and pushing out on my right side so I was confused about him being head down. Well, his head and feet are down there. Essentially his head is down there, his back curves up my right side to about 1-2 inches below my ribs in the center (he follows the rib line from what I can feel) then he folds over so his butt is a little right of center at the top of the belly, and puts his feet back down towards the left where he likes to peddle his feet into my left side and kick outward. I am always sore on that side really low. Sometimes he likes to kick my back and sometimes he moves his butt and flips around (which you can see) or stretches his legs upwards, but since the doctor explained how he was laying it make sense with his movements. I rarely get kicked in the ribs, sometimes punched or pressed on, but I always get kicked in the bladder, spine and belly crease. It doesn't seem comfy to me, but if he is happy I don't care.

Next appointment I get another pelvic exam to check for strep B (36 weeks) and do the heartbeat and measuring thing again. Then at 38 weeks they will check my cervix for dilation and efacement and I hopefully I will go into labor before the 40 week appointment when they talk about induction!

For Rachel

Read the whole thing--it keeps getting better.