1 Week

I am one week from my due date, 10 days from the doctor's due date. I guess it is good that the doctor's due date is further out, because X seems to like my belly a little too much.

We have a doctor's appointment today. I still really want a natural birth, so even though I am dying to have the baby, or just know what the hell is going on with him, I need to insist on not having an internal exam. Luckily, my doctor doesn't even start internal exams until 38 weeks and we had to push our appointment back a little because of Mike's schedule, so hopefully this will be the only time I have to convince the doctor, and myself, that I don't need one. Internal exams measure the dialiation of the cervix and the effacement. Unfortunately, those numbers mean absolutely nothing until you are in active labor. You can walk around 3 cm dilated and fully effaced for weeks, and you can go from 0 to 10 in a few hours (neither option is great). It isn't a predictor of labor, it just shows that thus far something, or nothing, has happened. And I am damned curious. But I have to keep repeating, it doesn't really matter. Plus, I would be slightly horrified if I was not at least partially effaced and a little dilated, and I am already starting to get really discouraged, so it is probably better to not take that chance.

The problem with internal exams is two fold, one is that you increase the bacterial levels near your cervix. Yes, of course, my doctor wears gloves, but there is all sorts of nasty bacteria around the bottom of the vagina that gets pushed up and left near the cervix. If it is effaced or dilated it can just chill there, or if it is inflamed it can cause an infection. Not what you want to do before giving birth. The second thing it can do is disrupt the amniotic sack and cause your water to break, or weaken it so that it breaks sooner. I am torn on this being a negative because it would mean that I would have a baby one way or another in 24 hours. That is the bad side though, one way or another. Once the sack is ruptured there is no going back, and if the baby doesn't make progress they will push medical interventions, which can lead to c-section. Now, it can also cause labor to progress faster or even start. So it is a toss up. But as Mike pointed out, the chance of it starting labor is not nearly worth the risk of pitocin and/or a c-section. I don't even want my water to break until I am in active labor. Transition or even pushing would be a good time. That is when my mom's water broke with both of us, so it sped up labor at the most uncomfortable time, leading to a quick delivery. That sounds ideal to me. Yet, every time I get out of bed, I am disappointed that I am not drenched in amniotic fluid, I am not going to lie.

For the last week there have been some noticeable changes. One is that I have felt a hell of a lot better. I can walk at a brisk pace, I have more energy and my swelling almost disappeared (except for my hands--which are a whole other problem at this point). I have also been having crazy mood swings. Maybe not mood swings, because that implies that they change rapidly, which they don't, but I am either grumpy, sad or extremely happy for no reason, all day. I just wake up that way. Emotionally this pregnancy has been easier than life without birth control. I really haven't had too many mood swings at all and have been overall a pretty pleasant person to everyone involved, even Mike. But this week. Man, I just wake up super angry, or sad, or ridiculously happy. Yesterday was an angry day, Friday was an annoyed day and Saturday was a happy day until I took a nap, then it was rough too.

On Saturday I woke up and walked for two hours. I felt great. I was happy and talking to people, all bubbly and pregnant, thinking about how nice everyone is to you when you are pregnant even though it was freezing cold. Then I got home and took a nap and my mom came over to go to lunch. She suggested that I may want to clean up my house a little and offered to help and I completely freaked out and started crying. Irrational. I am hoping all of this means that my body is doing whatever hormonal shifts it needs to do before I give birth, but man it is not so fun. Since my walk the baby dropped significantly and I am pretty sure he is engaged, which is good because if my water does break I don't need to worry as much about prolapse.

However, I have also returned to feeling miserable. Having him lower pulls totally differently, which makes me back and sides hurt. It also makes me need to pee even more--which I didn't think was possible. My stomach is super hard all of the time, so I have no idea if/when I am having contractions and if I manage to feel it, I can't time it. I think my body will get used to him being low soon and loosen up the skin, but until then I am just stuck this way. Swelling is back, but not as bad, or I know how to deal with it now, and the pressure I feel is really uncomfortable. I was sure I would have the baby after he dropped, but obviously not. Man, I just want him to come soon.