The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good

We had our 38 week appointment on Monday. According to my date it was actually 39 weeks, which is exactly where the baby measured. I have to say, I love my doctor. He explains everything in detail and really takes time to talk to us. Plus, since he is older, I feel like he has more faith in my ability to know what is going on and is less dependent on medical interventions. Essentially, I got out having an internal exam because he agreed that is means absolutely nothing. He also did a non-stress test to measure the baby’s reaction or movements, which X aced. So we don’t have to go back until May 31^st, which puts me at 41 weeks. If we don’t have a baby by then we will need to schedule an induction. Come on baby!

We also went to our baby class on Wednesday. The baby’s head is complete engaged! I can go into labor at any time. I also learned more about vaccination schedules, baby wearing and some other stuff. I just like baby classes, it makes me feel so much more prepared.

The Bad

I still don’t have a baby, and there is a definite possibility that I will go past my due date. Some people may see this as a good thing, but I don’t. Since the baby dropped I am in significant pain and working is very hard—as is putting on socks, walking, peeing and essentially doing anything. I am exhausted to a whole new degree. I am also getting nervous about going over and having to try some alternative means to avoid induction—like castor oil, nipple stimulation and god knows what else. I am also having WAY more mood swings, some of which I swear is hormonal, but some of which is just because I am stressed and tired and really sick of being pregnant.

The Ugly

I think I have been losing my mucus plug since the baby dropped on Saturday. I have never been so excited about something so gross before. I am also not sure, since I have never done this before and I really don’t want to call anyone and ask them what their mucus plug looked like and compare it to my own. I did finally break down and admit that I will need pads, which is a good thing since I will apparently bleed excessively for quite some time.

I am also (hopefully unnecessarily) paranoid about breastfeeding. My chest has not gotten any bigger (which makes me a very unattractive pregnant lady). They say it is a sign that something could be wrong if you breast size doesn’t change while pregnant, even though if you are small breasted it is fine. I am not small breasted, but they haven’t changed really. My rib cage has gotten a lot bigger so I had to get new bras, but that is it. I just really want to breastfeed, and financially, we need to.

Please let me have a baby tonight. Please.

1 Week

I am one week from my due date, 10 days from the doctor's due date. I guess it is good that the doctor's due date is further out, because X seems to like my belly a little too much.

We have a doctor's appointment today. I still really want a natural birth, so even though I am dying to have the baby, or just know what the hell is going on with him, I need to insist on not having an internal exam. Luckily, my doctor doesn't even start internal exams until 38 weeks and we had to push our appointment back a little because of Mike's schedule, so hopefully this will be the only time I have to convince the doctor, and myself, that I don't need one. Internal exams measure the dialiation of the cervix and the effacement. Unfortunately, those numbers mean absolutely nothing until you are in active labor. You can walk around 3 cm dilated and fully effaced for weeks, and you can go from 0 to 10 in a few hours (neither option is great). It isn't a predictor of labor, it just shows that thus far something, or nothing, has happened. And I am damned curious. But I have to keep repeating, it doesn't really matter. Plus, I would be slightly horrified if I was not at least partially effaced and a little dilated, and I am already starting to get really discouraged, so it is probably better to not take that chance.

The problem with internal exams is two fold, one is that you increase the bacterial levels near your cervix. Yes, of course, my doctor wears gloves, but there is all sorts of nasty bacteria around the bottom of the vagina that gets pushed up and left near the cervix. If it is effaced or dilated it can just chill there, or if it is inflamed it can cause an infection. Not what you want to do before giving birth. The second thing it can do is disrupt the amniotic sack and cause your water to break, or weaken it so that it breaks sooner. I am torn on this being a negative because it would mean that I would have a baby one way or another in 24 hours. That is the bad side though, one way or another. Once the sack is ruptured there is no going back, and if the baby doesn't make progress they will push medical interventions, which can lead to c-section. Now, it can also cause labor to progress faster or even start. So it is a toss up. But as Mike pointed out, the chance of it starting labor is not nearly worth the risk of pitocin and/or a c-section. I don't even want my water to break until I am in active labor. Transition or even pushing would be a good time. That is when my mom's water broke with both of us, so it sped up labor at the most uncomfortable time, leading to a quick delivery. That sounds ideal to me. Yet, every time I get out of bed, I am disappointed that I am not drenched in amniotic fluid, I am not going to lie.

For the last week there have been some noticeable changes. One is that I have felt a hell of a lot better. I can walk at a brisk pace, I have more energy and my swelling almost disappeared (except for my hands--which are a whole other problem at this point). I have also been having crazy mood swings. Maybe not mood swings, because that implies that they change rapidly, which they don't, but I am either grumpy, sad or extremely happy for no reason, all day. I just wake up that way. Emotionally this pregnancy has been easier than life without birth control. I really haven't had too many mood swings at all and have been overall a pretty pleasant person to everyone involved, even Mike. But this week. Man, I just wake up super angry, or sad, or ridiculously happy. Yesterday was an angry day, Friday was an annoyed day and Saturday was a happy day until I took a nap, then it was rough too.

On Saturday I woke up and walked for two hours. I felt great. I was happy and talking to people, all bubbly and pregnant, thinking about how nice everyone is to you when you are pregnant even though it was freezing cold. Then I got home and took a nap and my mom came over to go to lunch. She suggested that I may want to clean up my house a little and offered to help and I completely freaked out and started crying. Irrational. I am hoping all of this means that my body is doing whatever hormonal shifts it needs to do before I give birth, but man it is not so fun. Since my walk the baby dropped significantly and I am pretty sure he is engaged, which is good because if my water does break I don't need to worry as much about prolapse.

However, I have also returned to feeling miserable. Having him lower pulls totally differently, which makes me back and sides hurt. It also makes me need to pee even more--which I didn't think was possible. My stomach is super hard all of the time, so I have no idea if/when I am having contractions and if I manage to feel it, I can't time it. I think my body will get used to him being low soon and loosen up the skin, but until then I am just stuck this way. Swelling is back, but not as bad, or I know how to deal with it now, and the pressure I feel is really uncomfortable. I was sure I would have the baby after he dropped, but obviously not. Man, I just want him to come soon.

Grrr

Today is a bad day. Why? Because I am still pregnant, and I am SUPER cranky about it. Like irrationally angry. The baby dropped more yesterday. There was a storm. I should have a baby. No. Nothing. Another night without contractions. For the last month I have woke up with massive contractions. This week. Nothing. Baby, get your shit together and come out! I am over it. I don't want to go back to work. I don't want to go to the doctor. I don't want to do anything but go into labor--and there is NOTHING I can do about that, which is quite possibly the worst thing in the world to me. I hate not having any choice in anything.

If one more person tells me he will come when he is ready I am going to shoot them. See, it is my body. This is not just his decision. In fact, they don't even know what causes labor at all, so I could be him, or the placenta (I am not sure if that counts as him or me) or it could be my uterus, so there. Maybe he doesn't come when he is ready, maybe he comes when I am ready, and I am freaken ready. I don't think he should get 100% control of this situation. I just want my baby and my body back. Please come out baby, please start having contractions.

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Psych

I thought I may be having a baby last night, obviously not since I am blogging today. At around 4:00 yesterday I started to have some contractions, nothing abnormal, I have contractions off and on all the time now, but they seemed to be more frequent. I came home, walked Ella and I was still having them. I told Mike I had 3-4 of them in the last hour, I wasn't really sure since I wasn't paying attention all that much, but that is still a lot of them. So we went to the grocery store where I continued to have them, probably not every ten minutes, but somewhere between 10 and 15. They weren't painful, but they were getting steadily more uncomfortable and a few of them spread to my back which was sort of painful, like cramps. These are really good signs. I came home and ate some dinner (yummy cheese and bread with dipping sauce) and drank some juice to see if they would stop. They didn't. There was one period where they did slow down, to maybe 20-30 minutes apart once, but who knows, I could have had one and not noticed. Does that happen? Oh yeah. If I need to pee I always notice contractions, but if I just went pee there isn't a lot to notice, it is just my uterus tightening, so a lot of the times I don't really notice unless I am touching my belly or the baby is moving. Anyway, the baby got SUPER active and was pushing all over the place for another 20 minutes or so and I was hopeful that he was trying to get into a better position. We walked the dog and the contractions kept coming, I actually felt pretty good, I was walking pretty fast and not in pain at all--plus I was getting excited because it was 4-5 hours of consistent, time-able contractions. So we went to bed and I kept having them, so I laid down to sleep (that is what I am supposed to do, sleep through early labor until I can't anymore). When I laid down I got SUPER sick though. Like I felt as though I had drank a bottle of tequila with some poorly made sweet and sour. It was awful. I got up to puke, nothing. Standing made it a little bit better. I had horrible stomach cramps and the baby was still moving all over the place in there which didn't help the nausea at all. I tried hands and knees since Mike had the good point that it would give the baby more room to stop punching me, but it didn't stop. It hurt really bad, I was in tears. I am prepared to give birth and have no misconceptions that it will be painful, but if I could not feel sick at the same time that would be great. Finally I laid down and went to sleep. I am not sure when the contractions stopped. I rolled over and almost puked around 2am, but then went back to sleep for a little bit. This morning I am exhausted, my stomach hurts from the contracts and stomach ache and I am disappointed that my labor just stopped. I need to go to work, but I really don't want to. Yech.

The Waiting Game

Last week was the first week that I could really hope to go into labor. By now, it is getting annoying. I have nothing to do but wait, and wait, and wait. Technically I am 37.5 weeks, but we all know I think I am due sooner. The negative side of that is becoming apparent as I am more anxious than I should be I guess. I know people say that once the baby is here I will wish he was back inside because it was so much easier, but I doubt it. For one, Mike is amazing and helpful so I won't be doing it all alone. I just want someone else to be responsible for a little while.

More than anything I am so uncomfortable that sleep deprivation looks like a good option, plus I won't be working anymore. The swelling has definately started. I no longer have bones in my feet and my fingers look like sausages. I actually don't care how it looks, but it hurts. I had no idea you could swell so much that it would hurt, not just be awkward or uncomfortable. Also, the baby really doesn't have room, so he hurts me. If I sit up straight there is not enough room and he jams himself into my ribs and out my sides. The bottom of my belly is pretty painful too, I guess it is ligaments stretching to keep my stomach up. I have massive pain where my belly meets my legs I guess. I don't really know how to explain it. It gets a lot worse when I get up from sleeping, I think it must tighten up. Plus, I have no sense of moderation. So I do nothing for weeks, then I decide walk way to far to induce labor, which doesn't work, but it makes me exhausted and sore. Lame.

Anyway, on a positive note, the amazing Krystal Meisel took some amazing shots of me the other day. It was super fun, and she is amazing. I think everyone should do maternity shots with a fine art photographer rather than a portrait photographer. Why? See the photos!

37 Weeks

Technically full term. Come out baby!

Today brings two beautiful words: full-term. Now, whenever baby's born, he's likely to thrive. Also thriving? Your nesting instincts, which are behind those sudden urges to bake, clean, or embroider a onesie. (Feminists, take your issue up with nature, not with us.)

This week, you may expel the cervical mucus plug, aka "bloody show," at any time. If you're worried about stretch marks, be patient. They'll begin to fade a few months after you deliver. Stretch marks are caused by broken collagen fibers under your skin's surface. The strength of your collagen is genetic, so if your mom got stretch marks, you probably will, too. The hormone relaxin is causing all of the smooth muscle in your body to unclench. You'll feel like you have loose "rag-doll" joints. You're probably having Braxton-Hicks contractions, which you may or may not notice. How can you tell these contractions from the real thing? If you have to ask, they probably aren't. Real contractions grow progressively stronger, more intense, and more regular.
Baby's now the size of a watermelon!
Your full-term (yay!) baby is gaining about 1/2 ounce a day and getting his first sticky poop (called meconium) ready. He's also brushing up on skills for the outside world: blinking, sucking, inhaling, exhaling, and gripping (it's getting strong!).

Your baby has likely hit the six-pound mark by now, and her length is approximately twenty-one inches. The weight on your abdomen probably feels like twice that. Your baby is practicing her breathing, but she has increasingly less space to practice stretching and kicking. Your baby' intestines are also building up meconium, a greenish-black substance made of baby by-products such as dead cells, shed lanugo, and amniotic fluid. It'll become your little darling's first bowel movement, hopefully after she is out of the womb. Her body fat has increased to about eight percent. By birth, it'll be about fifteen percent. If your baby is a boy, his testes will have descended into his scrotum. While your baby could be born at any time, the longer she stays in, the more time she has to develop the connections in her brain in the pleasant peace and quiet of your womb. At this point, she can do all the things a newborn can, with the exception of breathing air and pooping in a diaper. Just as you're feeling stretched, your baby is being squeezed on all sides. Some of your antibodies are crossing the placenta, giving your baby's immune system some support for her first days in the world. If you breastfeed, you'll later be giving her immunities in your milk.

The nursery is DONE!

Last night Mike put the finishing touches on the nursery. Well, almost, we still need a trash can and some stuff to put on the shelves, but that is it. It is so nice to have something done! We don't have all of X's stuff in his room because he won't actually use it there, so his carseat and stroller are downstairs and his swing and bouncy chair will live in the living room since that is where he will use it (we have to get rid of a recliner to fit his swing, they are roughly the same size :) His pack 'n' play is also in our room since we are using it as a bassinet for the first few months. I am so excited, I love his room. Ignore the odd lines and discoloration in the first two photos, I was trying to pan the room and then merge them, which worked okay as long as you don't look too close.



I am super proud of the book sling that I made since I have never really sewn anything aside from costumes before in my life, and his name letters that are hanging on the wall, I love them too. I actually really like the tree too, but in the pictures it annoys me that it is "floating," in person it doesn't bother me though.