Something other than X

I have a new obsession lately, pinterest.com. If you are not familiar, don't do it. It will suck away your life with all sorts of things you want to buy, do, build, cook and make. Not to mention the time you spend finding such things.

Lately I have been feeling very trapped. X is still really young and therefore needs a lot of attention. Plus he really wants to do more than he is physically capable of, which leads to me helping him sit, stand, walk and get close to things to touch, grab, taste and look at. And while all of this is totally exciting, sometimes I just need a break. It is just draining. So Mike offered to take X for four hours--two hours at his parents house then bring him home to nurse and I could leave for two more hours.

So, what did I do? I found crafts I could do on pinterest and went away to the craft store. First, let me say how nice it is to do something that takes both hands and some concentration for more than 10 minutes. I love my son more than anything, but the only things I do aside from him are laundry and cleaning, both of which need done ALL.THE.TIME. So craft time was amazing. I really wanted a fall wreath and I became obsessed with makeing modge podge coasters. No idea why, we have plenty of coasters. Maybe Christmas presents?

The wreath was sort of pricey since I had to buy all of the flowers, wire and base to make it, but I love it and it was way cheaper than buying one.

The coasters were pretty cheap. I had to buy a can of sealant to make them waterproof but that will last forever. The actual tiles are 16 cents each, I already had everything else. So I made 8 coasters for $11.28 and I can make a gazillion more for just $1.28 a set. I really like how they came out too. Next time I will leave a boarder like I did in the maroon background with white flower ones, I like how it looks better. So, here is to Donna time, as in Donna the person, not mom or milk lady.

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Oh memories

Right before my baby shower my lovely friend Rachel sent me this link. I nearly died laughing. The captions are priceless, as are the creepy ass cakes. I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. Even in my hormonal pregnant state I thought this was the funniest shit out there, and looking back on it, I still do. Thank you pregnant chicken, for all of your comic relief over the last year, as well as good information. And thanks mom for making me a normal cake.

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Nom nom nom

I'm not sure if I blogged about it, but I gave up gluten, dairy, eggs, peanuts and theoretically fish, but I don't eat fish anyway, for x. I am back on gluten but I still have all this random food around, like chex. Chex are gluten free and taste pretty good with coconut or almond milk. They also make yummy snacks like muddy buddies. Today I made some. I had to use earth balance instead of butter, almond butter instead of peanuts and bakers chocolate instead of chips-all chips have milk fat in them! I also subbed almond extract for vanilla. Result? Amazing, although next time I'll go with vanilla as the almond over powered the chocolates

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Please, go the fuck to sleep

Lately X has been sleeping poorly. Well, lately X has not been sleeping. "Normally" he takes a 9:30 nap for about 30-45 minutes, then a two hour nap at 1:00, then a little 30 minute nap in the evening, at like 5:30. Then bed at 8:00. It has never really been an issue. Now he is boycotting morning naps all together and going down for a nap between 2 and 4. Urg. Plus he is getting up all the time during the night to nurse. Like every two hours. So I get maybe an hour of sleep by the time I wake up, nurse him, burp him, get him back to sleep, get him in his co-sleeper, comfort him some more and fall asleep myself. I am exhausted. However, I don't have to go to work, and honestly, I think it is normal for a baby to sleep like this, especially one who may be cutting teeth. That is why I am a stay at home mom, but it makes me SUPER cranky at 5 AM. However, in the nick of time, I found this article that just gave me a little encouragement. I am SO against sleep training, but every once in a while that voice in the back of my head questions my instincts and judgements, but the letters MD at the end of an article can really give me the courage to keep going.

Essentially this is what it says. Babies are super vulnerable, biologically speaking. They can't eat, walk, fight, hide. Essentially, all animals are born when their brains will fit. Well, X's didn't, but you get the idea. They do not know they are born into a developed country in the 21st century. All they know is they will get eaten by something if someone is not there to protect them.

All humans are like this. We have no protection except our ability to live in groups. People wake up all night long, sense safety and go back to sleep. This is interesting for someone with insomnia like myself because I essentially wake up and DON'T sense safety and don't go back to sleep.That is an entirely different blog though. One that doesn't exist, and one that I would probably need lots of therapy to write.

The article goes on to say that as Americans we stress that babies need to learn to sleep alone, to avoid dependency issues, when in reality it is the opposite. Babies don't need to sleep alone, they need to co-sleep. This makes me feel so much better about the fact that X has never, not once, actually slept in his crib. Someday I hope he does, but again, that is more for me than for him. I want my bed back, and Mike back. The end point is that parents measure how good at "parenting" they are based on normal baby behaviors. Most kids don't sleep through the night. That doesn't make me a bad parent. Sleeping with X will mean he wakes up more to nurse, it will also mean he won't die of SIDS or have abandonment issues. Truthfully, if he were in his crib, I would probably be sleeping on his floor anyway, or staying awake ALL night watching the monitor lights and creeping in to peek on him. Some people manage just fine, I hope at 6 months I do, because I feel like at 6 months it will be better for all of us for him to sleep in his crib. Right now, I just want him to sleep in his co-sleeper or pack and play, but that doesn't seem to be happening either. I just need to keep repeating "X's sleep habits don't make you a good or bad parent. It is just where he is developmentally, and you giving him what he needs which is you" over and over again. At least he is snuggly.

PS--I wrote this over the course of a week. It may seem choppy. Oh and X, he is sleeping on me right now because he wouldn't nap otherwise. At least dinner is already cooking.

PSS--read my disclaimer, its okay if you do this differently, I am not judging anyone, I am just justifying my decisions to myself. Yeah, I really should seek psychiatric help.

Baby Don't Cry

I recently read an article about a Harvard study on responding to infants crying. Again, parenting is a parent's decision, but it is nice to have science back me up instead of just saying a feels right. Babies do not need to cry, ever, or get used to being alone. That is for convenience and American norms, which is fine, but it is not for the baby's good.

"Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry..."Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."
check it out here

"Recent scientific tests have revealed that babies left to cry-it-out have been found to have higher levels of stress hormones in their brains. This hormone becomes toxic at high levels, causing damage to the developing infants."
 and here

The Planning

I spend a ridiculous amount of time planning how I will reintroduce dairy, eggs and wheat in 11 days. Planning, fantasizing, same diff. Like, should I start with milk and get a venti latte at starbucks followed by a trip to cold stone? Or should I start with wheat and make a pasta dinner with french bread? See, if I start with wheat I get no butter on my bread, but if I start with dairy I get no brownies in my ice cream. Maybe I should start with eggs, then dairy and then hit the jackpot with french toast!Or maybe I should just make the best cake ever....with ice cream. Or strawberry short cakes....or brownies...oh man, the possibilities are endless.

3 months

I think three months is when you stop counting the weeks and move into months. It is just too confusing for the rest of the world that 12 weeks is not 3 months. So we will just do "a little over three months" or whatever. Anyway, in three days X you really are three months old.

This month has been an amazing journey. I feel like you have changed so much, which is heartbreaking and rewarding simultaneously. I am sure your brain and development were just as strong in the first two months of life outside, but for those watching you, month three has been the most noticeable. I loved the baby you were, but I adore the little boy you are today. You are so much fun. You smile and laugh, you play and occupy yourself if I need you to, but you still love to snuggle and sleep in my arms. You hold my hand when you sleep and "kiss" me (essentially wipe your open mouth across my cheek and giggle). You love to sit up and play. Your favorite song is ba ba black sheep and you will just laugh when I sing it. I just know I will miss this time when I am your absolute favorite toy. You never want to be put down, but you will tolerate it. I dread the day when you tell me to put you down so you can play alone.

This month was a big one. We went to Kansas where you were a huge hit. Your great grandparents loved you of course, but you were a HUGE fan of great grandpa Jim. You, like always, were a happy baby and just smiled and laughed at everyone. You actually slept quite well in the hotel. The only issue was the car, which you hated, but to be fair we stuck you in a car seat for 20 hours out of 96 hours--and that doesn't count all of the driving around in Kansas.

When we got back from Kansas your dad had to go to Iowa for two weeks (it ended up being 10 days). That is when you and I really learned how to make our life work. Being a single parent is not something I ever want to do, but I can do it. We made it. Dad still isn't home for more than an hour when you are awake, but that will change in another week. You are a little reserved around your dad now, but you will get over it soon.

On the other hand grandma Roberta spent a lot of time with us and you love her. She is your favorite person to sleep on and she can always calm you down, which is almost never needed. We go grocery shopping together, or to the mall, or for a walk, and you love all of it.

You also really like Sophie the giraffe, your play mat and rocking chair and a bug that vibrates. You mostly like anything soft and love to have baby massages or your face tickled. You are incredible strong and like to stand up and wave your arms about very similarly to godzilla. You can sit unassisted for a short period of time, but if I lean you back you spend every second trying to do crunches to sit up. You are becoming very independent and active. Plus, you are a talker, we have entire conversations and while your dad was away you talked to him every night on the phone.

I just love you so much little man, I love the age that you are and I am so scared of you growing up too fast. Happy 3 month birthday.