Dissappointed

There have been five times I could have been pregnant. I have taken pregnancy tests four out of those five times because I am neurotic and I cannot wait the seven hours to see (or I cannot do basic math like yesterday--when I thought I was late, but I was just reading the calendar wrong). I am not sure how many negative lines I can look at without going insane, and I don't ever have the patience to just wait and see. Here is to another month of being racked with guilt every time I drink and being so stressed that not drinking isn't really an option.

Blog Friends

So, I found a new blog that I love: Southern Munchkin. I feel a certain affinity for her, or them, or whatever. She comes from a family that generally waits to have children, so she feels young, as do I. She also feels overwhelmed by the entire Bump situation.

See, The Bump is this intense website that covers everything about babies and baby making. Everything. It also includes a ridiculous amount of community chat boards and since I am trying to make a baby I end up spending a lot of time on the trying to conceive boards. This is sort of an evil compulsion. I read and read and read. It leads to more obsession. A lot of people on these boards have more than 24 hours in a day or else super lax jobs because they spend a ridiculous amount of time on them. It is like the Farmville of baby making. I am not sure when they even have time to make a baby. Whatever. They also make baby making into a crazy science. They chart, and chart, and chart.

I keep track of when I should be ovulating and when I have sex. That is it, and it makes me insane anyway, because if we have sex every month when I ovulate and I am still not pregnant, WTF? It makes me nuts. However, these bumppies do way more charting. They take their temperature everyday and check all sorts of crazy thing. Whenever I read anything on these boards, the first response is ALWAYS "Well, are you charting? Join Fertility Friend and chart!" So I caved, convinced it would make me pregnant, and joined ff. I then received twenty lessons from the website about how to keep track of my body to know when you ovulate. This is the thing, I am pretty sure I know when I ovulate anyway (unless I simply don't ovulate--that is different though). I don't see why I would need 20 lessons on how to do it better. F. I just can't see how this is going to help.

Which brings me back to Southern Munchkin. She feels the same way, didn't do any of it, and got pregnant. Minus the getting pregnant part, I completely agree with all of it and am in the same place. I just hope I get pregnant soon, I think the stress of not being pregnant is making it harder to get pregnant. Until then, I will live vicariously through an anonymous blog.

I thought we were, but we are not. We are not ready for a baby. Apparently wanting something, and being able to do it, are not the same thing. Please let me like my new job.