Elephantine

Now that we are officially "trying" or at least not actively trying to prevent a pregnancy, I am sort of obsessed with my weight. I gained about 10 pounds during all of the end of the year, not having a job anxiety and I am scared I will never lose it. Like, ever. Since I am already 10 pounds heavier than I want to be, I cannot see pregnancy helping. See, some women, I think few, get back to their pre-baby weight, but how many get even thinner than that? If I am overweight now do I have any hope? I am not sure right now that I am not pregnant. I don't think I am, but I am not sure, I could be. Therefore, I am not willing to risk dieting. I don't think under eating while trying to start a pregnancy is a great idea. I am not really ever going to be sure I am not pregnant, well, except for like 4 days a month and I am definitely NOT giving up food then. Maybe I should just go with an elephant theme for the nursery, then the baby will recognize me :(

Nursery Planning

One of the things that I am most excited for is the creation of the nursery. Now, this is rather premature since we have been officially "trying" for three days. However, to be fair, we have been planning on trying for longer so I have had lots of time to think about it. I have at least a month before I am even pregnant and I know that, this is just dreams. I am not actually buying, planning or doing anything, just daydreaming.

My daydreams are very drawn towards gender-neutral nurseries. I like cafe au lait colored walls and jungle animals. I figure I can make it boyish with blue sheets and details or girly with white details and pink frills.

This is the wall color that I want, but I am afraid that it will be too dark. The nursery is pretty small, totally big enough for a baby, but not huge and it only has one window.

I just love how it looks with the pastel baby colors! I know babies can't see colors, and to stimulate eye development you should choose black and white patterns or primary colors in a contrasting theme, but really--who wants a black, white and red nursery? Besides, the baby sleeps here, it doesn't need stimulation.

I think with white trim, window panes and white closet doors it would be okay....maybe.....I think.




My favorite color for any wall is yellow though. Creamy, warm yellow. Ever since I lived in Spain and had yellow walls I have just loved them. We have a cooler color scheme in our house, and I love it. I love the sage wall accents and taupe colors, so the yellow wouldn't really work with the rest of the house, but isn't this adorable?

Upstairs is just a taupe color, no detail colors really. The bathroom is a sick color anyway and we are remodeling it this summer. It will be a very light blue/green. Well, actually it will be mostly white, with blue/green details and I think walls. So, with that across the hall, it may look great with yellow.





I also really like this room but I don't want multi-colored walls. It bothers me. I want them all to be the same. I think the green color could be okay, but it is too cold for a baby. I like how it looks in general, but I just want my nursery to be more inviting, more warm. More.....................yellow? Or cafe au lait?

Wow

So, my kids just asked me if I was pregnant. I told her no. She said, "I didn't think so, but I had to ask. You know, it is just too weird, it would be like my male dog getting pregnant." What? How should I take that?

I am a dork

Okay, so, I am definitely not one to deny being, shall we say, coolness lacking? Coolness deficient? Lets face it--I grew up with red hair, braces, glasses, glow-in-the-dark skin and an assortment of freckles and acne. I was never going to be cool. Thank god I am smart. I embrace it. I am awkward and lack any athletic ability. I substituted being cool for science club and spelling bees, it was so much more suiting. Therefore, if I have twins (this is not me wanting them mind you, in fact, universe, if that could NOT happen, that would be awesome) I am so doing this:

http://www.dweebist.com/2009/10/when-geeks-have-twins/

This rocks! Best idea ever. However, if I have different gendered twins, I am getting them shirts that say xx and xy. Love it!

Starting off Right

After scouring other baby blogs, I found some interesting coincidences. Most of them start with odd biographical information. Although I don't actually expect anyone to read this blog, I still found it somewhat fitting and think I will do the same. Although it is usually the first post, and doesn't have a disclaimer explaining why the author is doing something, I still like it. Here we go.

I am a divorced 27 year old who is madly in love with my somewhat younger, also divorced, much less jaded, boyfriend. I adore him. We have decided to make a baby. Hopefully the baby will also be much less jaded than I am :)

We are not married, nor engaged, and yes, this is planned. I am not pregnant yet. In fact, today is the first day since I was 15 that I have not actively tried to NOT get pregnant. I know some people will assume it is an accident. I would like to say that I am okay with that, but I am not. I think I will spend the next few years explaining to everyone that is was very intentional, well thought-out and planned yes planned. I still clearly remember arguing with a 1st grader (I was also a first grader at the time) that parents absolutely DO NOT have to be married to make a baby. I remember arguing that marriage was a legal institution and making babies was a biological phenomenon, therefore, they were not connected at all. I also remember the first grader being rather cross-eyed at this revelation. I think people will be rather cross eyed at the revelation that two people can choose and try to have a baby without being married first. For some people the idea of choosing to have a baby before choosing to get married is just as confusing as the idea that babies and marriage are not connected was for the little girl. Now, most adults can deal with accidentally getting pregnant and choosing to keep the baby, but that is not the case here, and I just know this is going to be a constant convincing scheme. This is my proof. World, I choose knowingly to conceive a baby with someone I am not legally attached too. So there. Not all babies born into wedlock are accidents.

Currently I am a secondary teacher. I love my job, however, in exactly 17 days it will no longer exist. They are closing my school. My kids have to find new academic homes, and I have to find a new teaching position. So far, I have had no luck. I am looking, and applying, and hoping. I love teaching, but I am somewhat hesitant of new schools and districts because of my attachments to my school and district. However, I need a job for a year.

My wonderful partner in all of this however, has a very stable, high paying job, which makes the whole unemployment thing less scary. Not that I won't have some sort of work, but it is just less crucial I guess. His job isn't going anywhere, as long as he can avoid the beckoning middle management that I cannot help but feel he is being molded into.

I have wanted a baby for a long time. Not actually wanted I guess, but wanted to know that some day I would have one. I have always felt too young, too unstable, too broke. But this spring, in our tiny kitchen, BF asked if I wanted a baby, at which point I laughed since he knew I did, and he told me he wanted one too. I don't actually think I will ever forget that moment, and I don't think I have ever been happier. It was better than any marriage proposal and meant as much, because in that moment we committed to each other. See, you can divorce someone, but you cannot divorce the parent of your child, not really. I never have to have anything to do with my ex ever again. I choose to, we have the same friends and we get along, but if we didn't, that would be fine. The parent of your child it is forever. The commitment is much higher in reality. They never go away.

Omega 3s

Today I took my fish oil capsule. This is disgusting. I am not a fan of fish or their oils. However, after doing much research, I decided it was worth it. I am not actually going to start eating fish, so I guess the capsules will have to work. It is supposed to help with concentration and various other non-baby things too, so hopefully it is beneficial for me anyway.

Today was also my last birth control pill. I am officially off the pill now. Oh geez, this is real, isn't it?