Nursery Started

Today we started the nursery. Mike got it cleaned out a few weeks ago, although I have noticed that my room next door has become a storage closet for much of that stuff and random other stuff, like the baby's new closet. But today we painted all of the trim white, took out the closet doors, fixed the door so it would actually shut (poor Tristan lived here for 6 months with a door that didn't shut and a 20 week old fetus encouraged us to fix it) and got all of the stuff to paint and make it a baby closet. I need stuff to be organized, and it is much easier to just start that way. So we bought a closet organizer with 12 cubbies and track shelving to install two hanging racks. However, where the hell do you get baby sized hangers? We looked at Target and they have kids ones but they were too big for baby clothes, and even the ones at Babies R Us online say kids hangers. Anyway, I digress. We now have everything to make a Martha Stewart approved closet other than colored bins to put in the cubbies because I want them to be gender specific. We put two coats of paint up, in bright yellow, and will do the last coat tomorrow and install the closet. Then we are done for a few weeks because we are both out of baby money. The goal is spend a little at a time instead of going into debt by getting it all at once. Plus Mike keeps reminding me that we need to save for the hospital copay, although I think I should get a discount since all I want is someone to catch. I don't want an IV, or monitoring, or an epidural, so I think Kaiser should thank me and give me a discount. They obviously disagree.

On another note, I totally popped today. I am not sure why. I woke up weighing an entire pound more than I did yesterday and my belly protrudes quite a bit more than it did before. I still look the most pregnant when I wear maternity pants and regular shirts, as demonstrated below.

Half Way

At nineteen weeks a lot of books consider me half way, although at twenty weeks I think I will be more comfortable calling it half way. I can't believe I have been pregnant for so long. I am definitely starting to show more constantly, rather than the baby playing hide and go seek every day. I can also feel my belly more, like I bump into things and I feel a hard lump when I lay down or against something. Mike says he can feel it too when I sleep against him, just like a constant pressure. The baby definitely kicks now--or punches, headbutts, something--it is more like a thumping than a fluttering or a vibration. I feel the fluttering more still, but there have been a few thumps in there. I am excited to see it moving all over the place in the ultrasound and to finally be able to call it something other than it! 10 days and counting until our anatomy scan.

It is also time to start making real decisions. We are completely registered on Baby's R Us and Amazon.com, although I need to add some gender specific items and update the amazon registry to include our stroller and car seat choices since those changed. We started the nursery, or we cleaned the room and picked out paint. Jill is going to bring me the crib on Wednesday. We are going to do the closet ourselves, but it is going to be really hard for me to wait on buying stuff. At the very end of pregnancy both registries will give us a one time coupon to get everything still left on the registry at 10% off, but that doesn't leave a whole lot of time to actually finish the nursery, so I think I will end up buying some stuff early. Even though it is a good deal, there are certain things we do really need for the baby and there will be plenty of other stuff for people to buy, like clothes and stuff. We will see how I do on self-control. I also need to put in for my leave of absence at work. I think we have book decided that it is best for me to take a year off, but it makes me really nervous. I am not good at depending on someone else and I am very worried about how I will handle the stress of dependency plus the stress of loosing so much money all at once. Neither of us are very good at budgeting, and we sort of need to figure that out now. I have been trying to get out of debt before the baby comes, and I have made some good progress, but I still have outstanding debt and although we have plenty of money it doesn't seem like we are rolling in it.

The hardest thing is that I need to come to terms with the fact that I have to actually have the baby. You always know you have to, but it seems so distant. We need to take some labor classes and I need to read a lot of books on how to have a natural labor so that I am prepared. Right now The Bradley Method of childbirth is all the rage with natural birth advocates, but I don't like it, it creeps me out. I am not sure why. So I need to find books on other methods and prepare myself. Mike also needs to prepare to be able to help me, or something. I am not sure. I think I want my mom there with me to help. She really wants me to get a doula, and although I can see the benefits, I can also see the expense. I am just not sure having yet another person in there will help. I mean, they are supposed to advocate for you and your choices, but I want to be able to make those choices as the happen, although I am not sure that is realistic. I need to talk to Mike and see how comfortable he is in making choices or being assertive while I am in labor. If he isn't then maybe I will get a doula. I just don't know. Regardless, really big deal that I need to deal with soon :)

As far as the baby goes, we have a mango:
Vernix caseosa, a greasy white substance made of lanugo, oil, and dead skin cells (yum) now coats baby's skin, shielding it from the amniotic fluid. (Picture yourself after a nine-month bath, and the need for protection makes sense.) You might get to see the vernix at birth, especially if baby is premature.

Your baby is between five and six inches long and weighs about seven ounces—about the size of an apple. If the baby is a girl, early ovaries contain follicles with forming eggs. Soon, half of the genetic material for your potential future grandchildren will be formed. Pictures of babies at this age show them touching the membrane of the amniotic sac, touching their own faces, reaching for the umbilical cord, pedaling their legs, and sucking their thumbs. If you're carrying twins, they may already be swatting at each other. Your baby may already have a preference for the left or right hand. In the brain, areas of the nerve cells that serve the senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing are becoming specialized and are forming more complex connections. Loud sounds as well as any feelings you may have of stress or alarm may be communicated to the baby. The baby responds to these stresses by becoming more active. Practicing yoga and meditation can be good for your sense of calm and balance.

And for me:
Those nasty leg cramps are probably making it tough to get comfortable. One way to ease the pain: Extend your leg and flex your ankle and toes toward your knees. Or enlist your partner for a calf (and back!) massage. Good news: Your now-bulging belly should get you a little more compassion from everyone around you.

Week 18

As the baby develops more, it gets infinity cooler. I mean, from the beginning it is pretty amazing, but by the half way point the baby does stuff that developed people do, and somehow that is super cool to me. The baby can hear and sense light now, which totally makes me want to start a laser light show with some flashlights against my belly, but I will refrain since I am not sure the baby actually likes laser light shows. I am still super anxious to find out the gender, although I am sure it is a boy now more than ever. I still want to know, and I want to see it. We only get two ultrasounds, and the first one was at a little less than 8 weeks, so it has been a long time. I can feel the baby move sometimes, but I am also anxious for it to become more consistent and pronounced. We are almost half way now, I can't wait. However, on some days I don't even look pregnant. Hell, sometimes I don't even look fat. I don't understand where the baby goes. Some days I look pregnant, so the baby is there, and then other days, like yesterday, I could be just a little chubby. I hope everything is okay in there.

Your baby is about 5 to 5 1/2 inches long from top to tail and weighs a little more than five ounces, about the size of a lobster tail. While in earlier weeks, your baby may have been able to sense sound with her primitive ear structures, this week, the bones of the ear become fully formed along with the part of her brain that processes signals from his ears. There's still plenty of room in your uterus, so your fetus can be quite active with her new muscles. She may change positions frequently, cross her legs, recline, suck her thumb, and turn somersaults. Her retinas have become light sensitive, and your baby may be able to detect a glow if you shine bright lights at your belly (even though her eyelids are sealed).

Baby's become amazingly mobile (compared to you, at least), passing the hours yawning, hiccupping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking, and swallowing. And baby is finally big enough that you'll soon be able to feel her movements.

I guess it is good that Mike got me a prenatal massage because according to all of the stuff I read, I will really need it soon :)

As your growing uterus starts shifting your center of gravity (belly forward, bottom out), hormones are causing your ligaments to relax and joints to loosen. The result? Back pain and soreness. On the bright side, if you want to know baby's gender, this might be your first week for a sneak peek.

During this week, and the next few weeks, you may feel your baby's first movements—a fluttery sensation in your pelvis. Called quickening, many cultures believe that this is when life begins. You may have aches and pains in your legs, tailbone, and other muscles. Now is a good time to talk to your partner about how your house will be managed once the baby comes. For the first few weeks, until you establish a new routine with your new baby, you'll be too occupied to cook meals, take care of pets, open the mail, pick up the phone, or do anything but breastfeed, soothe the baby, and sleep. We hope your partner is up to the challenge. If not, prepare to move your mother or another relative in for a time. Also consider hiring a postpartum doula or baby nurse to help out.

Almost 18 weeks

I took these pictures yesterday because I looked pregnant again. Some days I just don't, some days I do. I cannot figure it out. How can the baby hide sometimes? There just isn't that much room in there. I find that maternity pants but regular shirts show it the most, so here I am in my normal sweater and my maternity jeans, which are super comfy, but won't stay up!

So, Mike is pretty awesome and has great timing. I was having an epically bad day yesterday. Or last week, or this month, or whatever. Just bad all around. I feel fat and unattractive, I don’t really look pregnant, my body already hurts and as you can tell I am pretty damn whiny. I am a lot of fun, can you tell?

So, yesterday Mike did two great thing. He got me a prenatal massage gift certificate and he completely cleaned out the nursery. I wish I had a before picture because the nursery has been the place were we put EVERYTHING that we don’t know what to do with. Books, photos, papers, dining room table and chairs, futon, all of this army shit. Just everything. And yesterday he sorted it, took it all to good will, put the stuff that matters in the other room and cleaned the whole thing. All that is in there now is an end table that we will keep in there for the baby, a few pillows for the baby and a TV—again, we are keeping it for the baby. That is a lot to get done in a day. But he also took all of the Christmas decorations to the basement, put up all of the miscellaneous shit and made room for the Christmas tree by rearranging the furniture in the living room. So, my super shitty day/week/month ended pretty damn great. I am still fat or whatever, but at least I can start working on the nursery.

Being pregnant isn’t easy

I love the idea of the baby, and I don’t necessarily hate being pregnant, but it isn’t easy. I am sure I will hate it later, when I am so big putting on shoes is difficult and when the baby is big enough that kicks don’t feel cool, plus the overly exciting idea of lightning crotch. All of that just sounds like so much fun. But even now, even in the Honeymoon second trimester I still don’t think it is so much fun. I guess it is better than the other two trimesters, it is definitely WAY better than the first one, but I always thought I would like being pregnant. I thought the second trimester would be better than not being pregnant. It isn’t, in case anyone was wondering, it is just better than the first trimester.

I am pretty fucking sick of being fat. I have never really been fat before, at least not in the middle. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a size 0 and have never wanted to be, but I have always been very happy how I look. Sure, my thighs tend to be huge and tanning is impossible, but that was always okay. My waist has always been thin. Like, really thin. And I never had to do ANYTHING to maintain it, thank you mom for the genetics. So while there are lots of things I would change if I could, there was nothing I would actually work for; hence my horrible gym attendance. Now, my pants don’t fit, I don’t look cute at all and my quarterback shoulders no longer lead into a tiny waist, so I really do look like a short high school linebacker instead of some crazy curvy German Helga. I was okay with fat thighs and wide shoulders, because I still looked like a girl. I was still attractive. Now I have a baby gut that looks pretty much like a beer gut. There really is little difference in appearance. I am not good at not being attractive. This baby is going to be an only child (plus fat people have a lot less sex I have decided, at least in my case, so making another baby is pretty moot).

Oh yeah, and you can't drink, so you are always DD. Even to the ballet.

An onion seems pretty big

Apparently the baby is now the size of an onion. That seems pretty big to me. If I pull up my shirt you can totally tell I am pregnant, but when I have a shirt on it is much less obvious. With the onion and all of the fluid I definitely notice a difference. My stomach feels heavy and like something is always pulling on my muscles. I read somewhere that baby also enjoys tugging on the umbilical cord. I am not sure it has nerves, but it seems like it should hurt and it sort of freaks me out. I hope I can make it through this week without my kids noticing. We will see, I seem to gain a pound every day.

Baby's skeleton is hardening, changing from rubbery cartilage to bone, and fat is finally accumulating around it. His umbilical cord is getting thicker and stronger, and those little fingers and toes now feature one-of-a-kind prints.

On a totally different note, it is really unfair that girls are the only ones that get pregnant. Guys get such a better deal in this entire thing. I think they should have to change diapers for an entire year since we have to do everything else. This week's mama update is just plain gross.

Though increased blood flow is good for baby, it might be making you a little...damp. Body secretions (think sweat, mucus, nosebleeds, and vaginal discharge) are in full force. This week might also mark the first time you feel baby move inside you, but don't worry if it's another two months before you notice anything.

Target, you are cut

Target and I have always had a love-hate relationship. Mostly that I love to shop there and that I hate how much money I spend. Obviously, Target is totally okay with this formula. For years, if I walked into a Target I spent at least $100. Then I got pregnant. It actually started when we decided to try to get pregnant, although I have no idea why. However, they really have awful maternity clothes. Some people love them, and I do on the rack, but when I put them on I hate them. HATE them. So, Target and I are separated.

In moves new love, Motherhood Maternity. This store has a rather rocky reputation, but their more expensive counterpart, Pea in the Pod, is pretty awesome. Not to say that Banana Republic and Old Navy are somehow the same thing, but there is a link. At least on fit or something. Anyway, Motherhood is the Old Navy or Pea in the Pod. It is a little more pricey, but whatever, it is a good analogy. So today I went to Motherhood Maternity. I HAD to get some clothes, I legitimately needed them. Maybe not as much as I actually bought, but I needed some. I think it is the Target thing, I can't walk in and not over buy. So, on my first official maternity shopping trip, this is what I bought:

2 pairs of jeans
1 pair of cord
3 pairs of dress pants
2 ruched tee shirts
1 sweater
1 dress shirt--for Christmas and work

I totally feel like I need to return at least some of it. I feel like that is a lot of clothes for four months. Plus, from the second hand store I have two pairs of dress pants, although I don't think they will fit too much longer. I don't know, I just feel like it is a waste.

Catch Up

I haven't updated the blog in almost three weeks. I just haven't really felt like it. Usually I blog in the morning, but I have been having a hard time getting to work on time (plus a crazy busy schedule at work) so that isn't really working. At night I just don't really feel like it. Anyway, there is actually a lot going on in baby land.

At the moment the most important is my lack of appropriate clothing. My mom and I went to the second hand store to get some clothes, most of which are awesome. However, I bought a pair of jeans that really don't fit. They are the right size, but they are too low rise or something. Where the jean material ends and the crazy elastic part is too low, so I feel like they are falling off all of the time. Those will be going back. However, this leaves me without any maternity. I don't have a lot of jeans anyway (something I will probably need to remedy after the baby comes too, which will suck because I will be out of money, I should have stocked up all year) and only one of them fits. My wonderful Lucky jeans I can't even zip. So, I have one pair of Gap jeans and their button-ability is quickly decreasing. I also have a few pairs of work pants that I can get by with if I use a bella band, but that won't last long either. I have two pairs of maternity pants, so I have to get at least three more pairs of pants for work and two pairs of jeans, just to make it through one week. I know everyone says I am lucky to be pregnant during the winter, and in general I agree, but I wish I could just throw on a dress and call it good. Damn belly. So, I have been searching Craigslist and will try to make it to some stores tomorrow. I just don't want to spend money on myself two weeks before Christmas! I don't have that kind of money. Crap.

On another note I felt the baby move! The first time I wasn't sure, but I am sure now. I don't feel it very often, but if I lay down and am very still and poke at it a lot I will feel it. Sometimes. We went to the doctor and when I told her she seemed skeptical, but I told her where I felt it and it was exactly where the baby was on the doppler. I can't wait until I can actually feel it more more consistently and when Mike can feel it through my stomach. It will be reassuring when I can feel it too.

I also had my first baby dream. Everyone always talks about how they have these vivid dreams when they are pregnant. I always have had super vivid dreams, so I was expecting them. But nothing, or at least not any more vivid than normal. In fact, I never even dream about being pregnant. I have had quite a few vivid dreams about losing the baby. That sucks. If I have one more dream about going pee and it being full of blood I am going to die. I think it is partially because I need to pee a lot and I dream about peeing and it hurts because I don't wake up all of the time, and my subconscious interprets the pain and fear of miscarriage, even though conscience me recognizes it as "holy crap I am going pee my pants for real this time." Anyway, the other night I had a real baby dream. I dreamt that I was in labor and I passed on the epidural and I pushed a few times and voila there was a baby. It was easy and not painful and at the end I had a beautiful baby boy. I am now convinced that I am having a boy, seeing as this is the only time I have ever dreamt about a baby. Plus, I just think it is a boy. No idea why, I just do.

On the subject of gender, we scheduled our perintologist on January 7th. We could actually have it sooner, but they are booked. I am not sure how they are booked, but they are, so we have to wait until then. It also costs quite a bit more, but since it will be my only ultrasound I want to make sure everything is okay with the baby, and a preintologist makes me feel better about that. If the baby hides its gender, I am going to freak out though, since we don't get another chance.