X's Birth Story

This is really long, but I wanted it for me.


On Sunday at about noon I started feeling crampy, but that wasn't really any different than any other day, so I took a nap. When I woke up I still felt a little off, but I didn't want to just sit at home. Mike and I went to the mall to get some frozen yogurt and walk around a bit, since walking is supposed to be some magical labor inducer. At around 6 we went to Old Chicago for dinner like we did every week and I started to feel really crampy. At home Mike rubbed my back and I took a bath, hoping that would help. I really wanted to sleep that night so I could go to work the next day without feeling exhausted. At ten o'clock I told Mike I had to go to bed so I went upstairs to bed. About two hours later I was up again. The cramps had increased and laying down made them worse. I came downstairs where I sat on a ball, walked around, reclined, anything to alleviate them but everything made them worse. I couldn't really tell if I was having contractions or not. Ever since the baby dropped it was harder for me to feel them even though I knew I was having timeable contractions from the non-stress test results we got earlier from the doctor.

At about 1:30 I called Amy to ask her about them. I could still breath through them and walk, and to be honest I just felt like I was in a lot of pain, not really labor. I couldn't time anything. When I did I got results that varied in time from two minutes to five minutes. Amy said she was coming over to check how things were going. I woke Mike up and told him Amy was on her way and that he should take Ella, our dog, to his parent's house just in case. I still didn't think I was having a baby. Amy came over and told me I was definitely in labor and she could measure my contractions by feeling my stomach. My water hadn't broken so she did an internal exam to check and I was dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced. She had a hard time measuring my cervix though because it was very posterior and the exam was quite painful. After that things sped up, I started to feel more intense pain and I was having a hard time dealing with it. We decided to go to the hospital because I was in so much pain and my mom's labor had been so short.

The car ride was awful. Sitting up in a car was so painful and those 20 minutes were pretty intense. When we got to the hospital I continued to have contractions as we walked in. I went to labor and delivery and they checked me in. The nurse did an internal exam and said I was a 2 and 80% effaced. Amy read the fear on my face that the results were not better, and in fact worse than they were. She explained that since my cervix was so far posterior, it would be easy to read as less dilated if they were trying to not cause me pain. They offered to let me labor at the hospital or go home. If they had asked me when I wasn't in labor what I would have chosen I would have gone home, but there was no way I was getting in the car again, so we stayed. We walked the halls and I took a bath (sort of, I knelt in the shower while Mike and Amy sprayed me with warm water. It is the only thing that helped, but I was so cold since most of me was just exposed. The pain was getting more intense and Amy told me I needed to prepared for it to last for at least a few more hours and get a lot more intense. I said I wanted to reevaluate my desire for a med-free birth. Amy was very clear with and said it didn't matter right then, I couldn't have an epidural anyway since I wasn't in "active labor" at only 2 cm and we would talk about it later. I was so tired. I laid on the couch for about 20 minutes and tried to sleep between contraction, but they were awful. I got sick and threw up quite a bit. By then it was around 4 or 5 am and I was hungry and tired and still didn't feel like I was in labor. I felt NOTHING in my stomach area. Not a contraction, or a tightening, all I felt was the baby moving and the pain in my back. They checked me again and I had progressed a little bit, but not much. I walked around some more and asked Amy numerous times if I was actually in labor, I was so scared they were going to send me home.

I knew I had to relax my pelvic muscles for labor to progress, and I tried, but I just couldn't. During contractions I would sway, breathe, relax my body, but my pelvis just wasn't going to relax. Since we had success with the bath before I got back into and had the worst contraction ever. I was in tears and I just felt so defeated. I couldn't relax, I couldn't sleep, I was so hungry and I was terrified of what was coming. Labor was nothing like I expected or prepared for: I had tons of techniques to alleviate abdominal pain, and a lot of that was dependent on the pain coming and going, that a contraction would suck, but then subside. But this didn't. It was like I had been having a steadily growing giant contraction since dinner. I told Amy and Mike I wanted an epidural. Both of them asked me if I wanted to wait and I told them no, so I got out of the tub and prepared to let go of the natural birth I wanted so badly. So at 6:45, right before the change of shift, I got an epidural.

It was honestly the best feeling in the world. I wouldn't want to get one if I wasn't in intense pain because going from the worse pain in the world to complete numbness was amazing. Instantly I was so relieved, I had no idea I would feel like that, it made it a lot easier to come to terms with needing one because it was just so amazing. However, I keep having pain in one part of my back, which I guess is pretty normal and called a "window". Amy left to go take care of her own kids and gave me instructions to sleep, that is why I got the epidural and we all knew I would face a longer pushing session because of the epidural. I was still really scared that I would end up with a c-section because of the epidural, that it would slow the progress of my labor and I wouldn't progress. I told the nurses about the pain, and the anesthesiologist came in to give me a new epidural. They put it in lower and the window went away. My actual doctor was then on rotation in the ward which made me feel so much better. He came in, talked to me about my birth plan and reassured me that the epidural hadn't ruined everything, I could still have some of the items I wanted, plus he would deliver my baby! Mike and I both fell asleep after calling my mom and asking her to come.

When I woke up they checked me again and I had made great progress. The epidural hadn't slowed anything down and I was dilating about 1cm every hour! It was the best news ever. I tried to sleep more and was pretty successful. Finally, around 2:00 I was dilated to 9.5--I was feeling good, but I was STARVING. I had thrown up quite a lot and was limited to ice chips. I am not sure I have ever felt so thirsty before in my life. The doctor told me I would have a baby before he left at five and he checked the baby, estimating him again at right around 8 pounds. The nurse asked if I wanted to start pushing and I said I would like to labor down for an hour or until I felt pressure since the doctor told me I would probably need to push for about 1.5 hours, so I had plenty of time. An hour later I still felt no pressure, so we agreed to lessen the epidural to increase feeling. At around 4:00 I still felt nothing and the doctor came to talk to me about not delivering my baby. He reassured me about the new doctor that was coming on, who he had worked with in Boulder and trusted. I really like my doctor, so I completely trusted his opinion. I was disappointed, but we both agreed waiting to feel pressure was important in shortening my pushing.

Finally, around 6:00 I felt pressure and wanted to start pushing. Amy had returned and we all prepped for at least an hour of pushing. The contractions were hurting pretty bad at this point and I really wanted to press the button on the epidural to get drugs, but when I started pushing the pain went away. Again, I was totally taken by surprise in labor. I expected pushing to hurt like hell, but it didn't at all, it alleviated all of the pain of the contractions. I sort of liked it even. It took me a while to learn how to push (I blame the epi, but I am not sure). Every 20 minutes I would switch positions. After about an hour I was getting tired, but not too bad, just really thirsty. They checked my temperature and I was developing a fever. At the time I really didn't think that mattered at all, and thought it was just one of those things that they check in the hospital over and over for no reason.

The doctor came in and checked the baby. That was exceptionally painful. X was in +2 position and needed to make it to +5--so three more centimeters. The doctor didn't want to try a vacuum or forceps because he wasn't far enough out. X looked good on the monitors, but the doctor was really concerned about my fever and told me I had a uterine infection from my water breaking so much earlier that day. He told me that normally they only allow women to push for 2 hours, but since the baby looked so good he would continue to let me try for another hour, but at the point, if no progress was made, we would need to do a c-section and possibly quickly due to the infection. I had already been pushing for 2 hours and had made very little progress. Finally getting to hold him. They recommended pitocin and I agreed since the whole reason I wanted to avoid pitocin was to avoid being in bed all day, and that was already done. The pitocin increased my contractions so that I had more opportunities to push. I continued to push for another hour and half, and he never made it out. He started to show signs of distress and I was put on oxygen to help him and me. Towards the end I started to feel super stressed and sick, knowing I would have a c-section if I didn't get him out soon. Everyone in the room was working so hard, and he just wouldn't move.

The doctor came in to check and there was no progress. He told me I needed a c-section because the baby was being exposed to the infection and I had made no progress. Pushing as hard as I could every two minutes for an hour and half had done nothing but expose my baby to an infection, exhaust me and stress both of our bodies. I started crying as all of the nurses and doctors got ready for surgery.

We requested that Amy and Mike go with me to surgery, even though only one person is normally allowed. The anesthesiologist agreed (I think it helped that Amy is a medical professional and worked with some of them years ago). They took me alone to the room and made me move from one bed to the other. I thought I could. I couldn't. It was so hard to move my feet. Then they put up the screen and gave me morphine. I started to panic, but the anesthesiologist talked me through it and soon enough Mike and Amy were with me. I was so cold and so numb and so scared. Soon I felt lots of tugging and pulling. I was so scared that something was going to go wrong, but then the baby was out and was crying. I was so out of it. I know Mike went to cut the cord because I have pics, but I don't remember. Hearing him cry was the most amazing moment of my life and Amy took a few quick pics and brought them to me so I could see him. Finally they brought me my baby. I was shaking so hard from the morphine I had a hard time reaching over to him. I wanted to hold him so badly, but they took him to the nursery. Amy stayed with me while they finished the surgery. I remember them talking about dancing hamsters. Yes, I am sure.

Finally they took me to post op where X and Mike. I was still shaking so bad which terrified me. I wish I would have prepped better for a c-section so that I would have known what to expect. The shaking is normal, but it was so scary and awful because I couldn't hold X. I think someone helped me breastfeed him, but I am not sure. My mom and Amy left to go home since it was already past midnight. Finally, after a bath and tests and who knows what else, I got to take him in a wheel chair to our new room where we stayed until Friday, learning how to breastfeed and dealing with all the complications.

I had a ton of antibiotics, but X was okay. He had some bruising on his head from where I tried to push and his ear was swollen and folded over pretty bad, but that was all. He was just gigantic and no one expected that. 9 pounds, 7 ounces is a big baby. He lost 8% of his birth weight, but he gained it back pretty fast. The surgery was crazy painful and I found it really helpful that Mike had already had abdominal surgeries so he could help me. He knew what to expect. We shared time with the baby, mostly because if I held him he always wanted to eat, and I didn't have anything to feed him. With Mike he was calmer.

Holy Shit

I may be in early labor. According to everyone, that sentence means I am not. Everyone says that you will just know if you are in labor. I definitely don't know, so I guess I am not. I am, however, in an insane amount of pain, and I am blogging as my distraction method. I tried to sleep, that didn't happen. I have intense pain in my lower back. Enough to cry. I can't get it to stop. I took a bath, tried a hot pack, tried to walk, sit on a ball, sit in a chair, lay down. Nothing helps. Nothing really makes it any different. So I am sitting up, watching Law and Order: Special Victim's Unit, drinking water and OJ and seeing what happens. I am trying to time my "contractions" but it is hard. I am really just timing the pain waves in my back. It hurts ALL THE TIME, but there are times when it hurts so bad that I can't blog, or sit still, or anything. I can still walk and talk through it, but my body almost curls in pain. So I am timing that pain. It lasts about a minutes long, a little more, but it is hard to measure the beginning and the end since it slowly starts and ends and is so intense that I have muscle spasms. Right now I am feeling them anywhere from two minutes to seven minutes apart. I just don't really know what I am feeling. I hope it is labor because then this is all over and I get my baby. I just want my baby, but man, if this is early labor I am not going to make it through real labor. This lasts on average 6-12 hours. It has been going on since about 8 last night, but I didn't identify it as possible early labor until recently. So I guess we are about 5 hours in if this is really early labor. I really am in a lot of pain though, and I am not sure what to do to make it either get worse or better. I guess I am hoping for worse.

Ridiculous

I really don't feel like the baby is coming at all--but I have felt like he was before and he didn't, so maybe that is a good thing. I just feel like I am going to be pregnant forever and just keep getting bigger. It is out of control.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good

We had our 38 week appointment on Monday. According to my date it was actually 39 weeks, which is exactly where the baby measured. I have to say, I love my doctor. He explains everything in detail and really takes time to talk to us. Plus, since he is older, I feel like he has more faith in my ability to know what is going on and is less dependent on medical interventions. Essentially, I got out having an internal exam because he agreed that is means absolutely nothing. He also did a non-stress test to measure the baby’s reaction or movements, which X aced. So we don’t have to go back until May 31^st, which puts me at 41 weeks. If we don’t have a baby by then we will need to schedule an induction. Come on baby!

We also went to our baby class on Wednesday. The baby’s head is complete engaged! I can go into labor at any time. I also learned more about vaccination schedules, baby wearing and some other stuff. I just like baby classes, it makes me feel so much more prepared.

The Bad

I still don’t have a baby, and there is a definite possibility that I will go past my due date. Some people may see this as a good thing, but I don’t. Since the baby dropped I am in significant pain and working is very hard—as is putting on socks, walking, peeing and essentially doing anything. I am exhausted to a whole new degree. I am also getting nervous about going over and having to try some alternative means to avoid induction—like castor oil, nipple stimulation and god knows what else. I am also having WAY more mood swings, some of which I swear is hormonal, but some of which is just because I am stressed and tired and really sick of being pregnant.

The Ugly

I think I have been losing my mucus plug since the baby dropped on Saturday. I have never been so excited about something so gross before. I am also not sure, since I have never done this before and I really don’t want to call anyone and ask them what their mucus plug looked like and compare it to my own. I did finally break down and admit that I will need pads, which is a good thing since I will apparently bleed excessively for quite some time.

I am also (hopefully unnecessarily) paranoid about breastfeeding. My chest has not gotten any bigger (which makes me a very unattractive pregnant lady). They say it is a sign that something could be wrong if you breast size doesn’t change while pregnant, even though if you are small breasted it is fine. I am not small breasted, but they haven’t changed really. My rib cage has gotten a lot bigger so I had to get new bras, but that is it. I just really want to breastfeed, and financially, we need to.

Please let me have a baby tonight. Please.

1 Week

I am one week from my due date, 10 days from the doctor's due date. I guess it is good that the doctor's due date is further out, because X seems to like my belly a little too much.

We have a doctor's appointment today. I still really want a natural birth, so even though I am dying to have the baby, or just know what the hell is going on with him, I need to insist on not having an internal exam. Luckily, my doctor doesn't even start internal exams until 38 weeks and we had to push our appointment back a little because of Mike's schedule, so hopefully this will be the only time I have to convince the doctor, and myself, that I don't need one. Internal exams measure the dialiation of the cervix and the effacement. Unfortunately, those numbers mean absolutely nothing until you are in active labor. You can walk around 3 cm dilated and fully effaced for weeks, and you can go from 0 to 10 in a few hours (neither option is great). It isn't a predictor of labor, it just shows that thus far something, or nothing, has happened. And I am damned curious. But I have to keep repeating, it doesn't really matter. Plus, I would be slightly horrified if I was not at least partially effaced and a little dilated, and I am already starting to get really discouraged, so it is probably better to not take that chance.

The problem with internal exams is two fold, one is that you increase the bacterial levels near your cervix. Yes, of course, my doctor wears gloves, but there is all sorts of nasty bacteria around the bottom of the vagina that gets pushed up and left near the cervix. If it is effaced or dilated it can just chill there, or if it is inflamed it can cause an infection. Not what you want to do before giving birth. The second thing it can do is disrupt the amniotic sack and cause your water to break, or weaken it so that it breaks sooner. I am torn on this being a negative because it would mean that I would have a baby one way or another in 24 hours. That is the bad side though, one way or another. Once the sack is ruptured there is no going back, and if the baby doesn't make progress they will push medical interventions, which can lead to c-section. Now, it can also cause labor to progress faster or even start. So it is a toss up. But as Mike pointed out, the chance of it starting labor is not nearly worth the risk of pitocin and/or a c-section. I don't even want my water to break until I am in active labor. Transition or even pushing would be a good time. That is when my mom's water broke with both of us, so it sped up labor at the most uncomfortable time, leading to a quick delivery. That sounds ideal to me. Yet, every time I get out of bed, I am disappointed that I am not drenched in amniotic fluid, I am not going to lie.

For the last week there have been some noticeable changes. One is that I have felt a hell of a lot better. I can walk at a brisk pace, I have more energy and my swelling almost disappeared (except for my hands--which are a whole other problem at this point). I have also been having crazy mood swings. Maybe not mood swings, because that implies that they change rapidly, which they don't, but I am either grumpy, sad or extremely happy for no reason, all day. I just wake up that way. Emotionally this pregnancy has been easier than life without birth control. I really haven't had too many mood swings at all and have been overall a pretty pleasant person to everyone involved, even Mike. But this week. Man, I just wake up super angry, or sad, or ridiculously happy. Yesterday was an angry day, Friday was an annoyed day and Saturday was a happy day until I took a nap, then it was rough too.

On Saturday I woke up and walked for two hours. I felt great. I was happy and talking to people, all bubbly and pregnant, thinking about how nice everyone is to you when you are pregnant even though it was freezing cold. Then I got home and took a nap and my mom came over to go to lunch. She suggested that I may want to clean up my house a little and offered to help and I completely freaked out and started crying. Irrational. I am hoping all of this means that my body is doing whatever hormonal shifts it needs to do before I give birth, but man it is not so fun. Since my walk the baby dropped significantly and I am pretty sure he is engaged, which is good because if my water does break I don't need to worry as much about prolapse.

However, I have also returned to feeling miserable. Having him lower pulls totally differently, which makes me back and sides hurt. It also makes me need to pee even more--which I didn't think was possible. My stomach is super hard all of the time, so I have no idea if/when I am having contractions and if I manage to feel it, I can't time it. I think my body will get used to him being low soon and loosen up the skin, but until then I am just stuck this way. Swelling is back, but not as bad, or I know how to deal with it now, and the pressure I feel is really uncomfortable. I was sure I would have the baby after he dropped, but obviously not. Man, I just want him to come soon.

Grrr

Today is a bad day. Why? Because I am still pregnant, and I am SUPER cranky about it. Like irrationally angry. The baby dropped more yesterday. There was a storm. I should have a baby. No. Nothing. Another night without contractions. For the last month I have woke up with massive contractions. This week. Nothing. Baby, get your shit together and come out! I am over it. I don't want to go back to work. I don't want to go to the doctor. I don't want to do anything but go into labor--and there is NOTHING I can do about that, which is quite possibly the worst thing in the world to me. I hate not having any choice in anything.

If one more person tells me he will come when he is ready I am going to shoot them. See, it is my body. This is not just his decision. In fact, they don't even know what causes labor at all, so I could be him, or the placenta (I am not sure if that counts as him or me) or it could be my uterus, so there. Maybe he doesn't come when he is ready, maybe he comes when I am ready, and I am freaken ready. I don't think he should get 100% control of this situation. I just want my baby and my body back. Please come out baby, please start having contractions.

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Psych

I thought I may be having a baby last night, obviously not since I am blogging today. At around 4:00 yesterday I started to have some contractions, nothing abnormal, I have contractions off and on all the time now, but they seemed to be more frequent. I came home, walked Ella and I was still having them. I told Mike I had 3-4 of them in the last hour, I wasn't really sure since I wasn't paying attention all that much, but that is still a lot of them. So we went to the grocery store where I continued to have them, probably not every ten minutes, but somewhere between 10 and 15. They weren't painful, but they were getting steadily more uncomfortable and a few of them spread to my back which was sort of painful, like cramps. These are really good signs. I came home and ate some dinner (yummy cheese and bread with dipping sauce) and drank some juice to see if they would stop. They didn't. There was one period where they did slow down, to maybe 20-30 minutes apart once, but who knows, I could have had one and not noticed. Does that happen? Oh yeah. If I need to pee I always notice contractions, but if I just went pee there isn't a lot to notice, it is just my uterus tightening, so a lot of the times I don't really notice unless I am touching my belly or the baby is moving. Anyway, the baby got SUPER active and was pushing all over the place for another 20 minutes or so and I was hopeful that he was trying to get into a better position. We walked the dog and the contractions kept coming, I actually felt pretty good, I was walking pretty fast and not in pain at all--plus I was getting excited because it was 4-5 hours of consistent, time-able contractions. So we went to bed and I kept having them, so I laid down to sleep (that is what I am supposed to do, sleep through early labor until I can't anymore). When I laid down I got SUPER sick though. Like I felt as though I had drank a bottle of tequila with some poorly made sweet and sour. It was awful. I got up to puke, nothing. Standing made it a little bit better. I had horrible stomach cramps and the baby was still moving all over the place in there which didn't help the nausea at all. I tried hands and knees since Mike had the good point that it would give the baby more room to stop punching me, but it didn't stop. It hurt really bad, I was in tears. I am prepared to give birth and have no misconceptions that it will be painful, but if I could not feel sick at the same time that would be great. Finally I laid down and went to sleep. I am not sure when the contractions stopped. I rolled over and almost puked around 2am, but then went back to sleep for a little bit. This morning I am exhausted, my stomach hurts from the contracts and stomach ache and I am disappointed that my labor just stopped. I need to go to work, but I really don't want to. Yech.

The Waiting Game

Last week was the first week that I could really hope to go into labor. By now, it is getting annoying. I have nothing to do but wait, and wait, and wait. Technically I am 37.5 weeks, but we all know I think I am due sooner. The negative side of that is becoming apparent as I am more anxious than I should be I guess. I know people say that once the baby is here I will wish he was back inside because it was so much easier, but I doubt it. For one, Mike is amazing and helpful so I won't be doing it all alone. I just want someone else to be responsible for a little while.

More than anything I am so uncomfortable that sleep deprivation looks like a good option, plus I won't be working anymore. The swelling has definately started. I no longer have bones in my feet and my fingers look like sausages. I actually don't care how it looks, but it hurts. I had no idea you could swell so much that it would hurt, not just be awkward or uncomfortable. Also, the baby really doesn't have room, so he hurts me. If I sit up straight there is not enough room and he jams himself into my ribs and out my sides. The bottom of my belly is pretty painful too, I guess it is ligaments stretching to keep my stomach up. I have massive pain where my belly meets my legs I guess. I don't really know how to explain it. It gets a lot worse when I get up from sleeping, I think it must tighten up. Plus, I have no sense of moderation. So I do nothing for weeks, then I decide walk way to far to induce labor, which doesn't work, but it makes me exhausted and sore. Lame.

Anyway, on a positive note, the amazing Krystal Meisel took some amazing shots of me the other day. It was super fun, and she is amazing. I think everyone should do maternity shots with a fine art photographer rather than a portrait photographer. Why? See the photos!

37 Weeks

Technically full term. Come out baby!

Today brings two beautiful words: full-term. Now, whenever baby's born, he's likely to thrive. Also thriving? Your nesting instincts, which are behind those sudden urges to bake, clean, or embroider a onesie. (Feminists, take your issue up with nature, not with us.)

This week, you may expel the cervical mucus plug, aka "bloody show," at any time. If you're worried about stretch marks, be patient. They'll begin to fade a few months after you deliver. Stretch marks are caused by broken collagen fibers under your skin's surface. The strength of your collagen is genetic, so if your mom got stretch marks, you probably will, too. The hormone relaxin is causing all of the smooth muscle in your body to unclench. You'll feel like you have loose "rag-doll" joints. You're probably having Braxton-Hicks contractions, which you may or may not notice. How can you tell these contractions from the real thing? If you have to ask, they probably aren't. Real contractions grow progressively stronger, more intense, and more regular.
Baby's now the size of a watermelon!
Your full-term (yay!) baby is gaining about 1/2 ounce a day and getting his first sticky poop (called meconium) ready. He's also brushing up on skills for the outside world: blinking, sucking, inhaling, exhaling, and gripping (it's getting strong!).

Your baby has likely hit the six-pound mark by now, and her length is approximately twenty-one inches. The weight on your abdomen probably feels like twice that. Your baby is practicing her breathing, but she has increasingly less space to practice stretching and kicking. Your baby' intestines are also building up meconium, a greenish-black substance made of baby by-products such as dead cells, shed lanugo, and amniotic fluid. It'll become your little darling's first bowel movement, hopefully after she is out of the womb. Her body fat has increased to about eight percent. By birth, it'll be about fifteen percent. If your baby is a boy, his testes will have descended into his scrotum. While your baby could be born at any time, the longer she stays in, the more time she has to develop the connections in her brain in the pleasant peace and quiet of your womb. At this point, she can do all the things a newborn can, with the exception of breathing air and pooping in a diaper. Just as you're feeling stretched, your baby is being squeezed on all sides. Some of your antibodies are crossing the placenta, giving your baby's immune system some support for her first days in the world. If you breastfeed, you'll later be giving her immunities in your milk.

The nursery is DONE!

Last night Mike put the finishing touches on the nursery. Well, almost, we still need a trash can and some stuff to put on the shelves, but that is it. It is so nice to have something done! We don't have all of X's stuff in his room because he won't actually use it there, so his carseat and stroller are downstairs and his swing and bouncy chair will live in the living room since that is where he will use it (we have to get rid of a recliner to fit his swing, they are roughly the same size :) His pack 'n' play is also in our room since we are using it as a bassinet for the first few months. I am so excited, I love his room. Ignore the odd lines and discoloration in the first two photos, I was trying to pan the room and then merge them, which worked okay as long as you don't look too close.



I am super proud of the book sling that I made since I have never really sewn anything aside from costumes before in my life, and his name letters that are hanging on the wall, I love them too. I actually really like the tree too, but in the pictures it annoys me that it is "floating," in person it doesn't bother me though.