month 6 I suppose

Wow, we are just skipping month 5 apparently, because I suck at keeping up with this now that you are mobile. I will try to go in chronological order anyway, but this covers months 5 & 6. At your six month check up you were 20 pounds and 2 ounces (85th percentile), although you lost some weight right before that appointment, we will cover that later. You were 29.5 inches tall however, which is 98th percentile. Your head is normal :) You also got three immunizations that you reacted very poorly too and ran a fever for a day. It was miserable for all of us.

So, where were we....oh yes, the MMMMM sound and sitting up. You have mastered three words that you can use correctly. Dad, mama and ella--although ella sounds more like eyyyahhh. However, you think mama is overrated and only use when you are in the car and want out. You say dad numerous times a day, usually in the morning when you roll over and wake dad up, or at night when you are hyper and want to play. You don't say dada, you say daad. It is adorable. You have also mastered screaming, squealing, yelling, growling and various sounds. You have also started to crawl, pull yourself up, army crawl around the house, chase Ella and Roomba and blow kisses. You love clapping, singing and sliding off the couch.  Wow, 2 months is a long time. I just checked your photos, you have had a lot going on since October!

October
October was a busy month. The weather was still nice so we spent a few afternoons chilling with Otto and Allison outside. You guys are starting to actually play together, or at least grab in the general direction of the other person. You are not great at sharing and like to take and hide all of the toys. Otto is okay with it.
We have definately mastered sitting and are growing out of some of the cutest clothes ever, like the outfit from Aunt Lisa

For a few weeks, before you would cry, you would make the "sad face" and we knew if we didn't do something you would make the "super sad face" and cry. Well, now you have mastered the sad face on demand and it is the cutest thing ever. Plus I can get a picture since I am not just trying to calm you down.

SO CUTE!

A few months back, dad bought you this car. You don't really like it, but it is still super cute. You were driving around. Here is my commentary:

Cruisin' along in my automobile, check the mirror before we start

 Turn on the car

 Gotta stop and get a drink

 Yeap, this is the life

Yes, I am a dork. But you are SO CUTE!

I think your eyes are going to be brown, maybe hazel eventually, but right now they are still gray, so I take lots of pictures of them. Look at how big you are getting.

Since it was October, we went to the pumpkin patch--twice. Once with Jill, Sean and the girls and once with Allison, Ben and Otto. You slept the second time and did not appreciate being woken up to look at damn pumpkins.



Dad's truck with lots of pumpkins

 Otto looking cute as ever

 You and Otto "playing"

 Not a happy baby

 You woke me up for this?

 

Wow--are we still in October? Yes, yes we are.
I took you out to do a photoshoot in the leaves--You liked eating them.

why the laundry is never done

Look, what is this, a laundry basket you say...



Can I get inside of it?


Hmmm, not really what I was planning.


Mom, this laundry thing is SO FUN!!!


5....4....3....2...1



MOM THIS IS NOT FUN, NOT FUN! GET ME OUT! WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!

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Day Zero

-Totally NOT baby related, well as much as anything is not baby related-

Have you heard of Day Zero? It is a bucket list of sorts, but not with farfetched some-day-before-I-die ambitions. It is a list of 101 things, measurable and quantifiable, that you want to do in three years. Well, under three years. 1001 days. I think I need this sort of thing. I need something that is me, something that I want to do. Being a stay at home mom is amazing, and rewarding, and stressful, but it is also monotonous, and I can see this year flying by and sitting back thinking wow, what did I do? The answer will be nothing. But that isn’t true, I do lots, but I won’t remember what I did, and truthfully that is how much of my life is. What have I done? I have lived abroad and traveled, I have graduated from college—lots. I have gotten married and divorced and had a baby. But I am almost 30 and I want more out of life. I want to DO stuff, not just BE stuff. I am a teacher, a mother, a fiancée and a part-time rather poor blogger.

Now I need to move into what I do. My goal is have my list done by December 1^st. However, 101 things is really a lot of things, and I don’t want to put things on the list just because, so if it isn’t done, I think I will still start and add to it until January 1^st. I don’t want anything on my list that is already planned. Stuff I want to do and have talked about is fine, but stuff like get married is not, we are already planning that and even without it on my list I would still accomplish that, or do that (do you accomplish a wedding)? I am trying to make it feasible, but still a stretch. So, considering I do have a baby and a new soon-to-be-husband, travel the world is probably not a reasonable goal and belongs on a bucket list instead.

Are you doing a Day Zero list? If so, please comment and leave me your blog so that I can check out your ideas, I would love to get some inspiration. Until then I will add to my list, try to organize it, and DO something with my life. See the new page I have added!

Mama Update

I have never been a happy person—maybe as a baby, my mom says I was a happy baby. But I was not a happy child and I did not grow into a happy adult. Thoughtful, insightful, tender, precocious—but not happy. Not just simply good natured and happy. Yet, I find, that I am. That doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated, or annoyed, and I definitely get stressed, or maybe just live stressed as a new lifestyle, but I am undoubtedly happy. All of the time. I love my life in a way I didn’t think existed. I seriously just didn’t know what happiness was until I found Mike and had X. I am ridiculously, undeniably, happy.

It has been over five months and I am still adjusting to life with a baby. It is a crazy demanding job since there is never a break. I get why “educational baby TV” exists—it gives parents a reprieve. My days revolve around the little dictator’s life—his nap schedule, his nursing schedule, his mood, and development. And that is what I want. We go on play dates and library time and spend a lot of time at the park. We recently, as in right now for the first time, instituted what I like to call “daddy X time” but what is really “mommy needs a fucking break RIGHT NOW” time. However, I really do honestly believe that is really important for X and Mike to spend time along together. Granted, Mike took X to his parents for a visit, but still. I am not there and X needs that. Mike and X need to bond more and develop a way to do things their way, because I am way too inclined to “help” or “tell Mike exactly how to do something and then take X out of his arms when he doesn’t do it right my way” and all that does is undermine Mike, which I know, and I get, but I just.can’t.help.it. So Mike needs to learn how to take care of X on his own, well not learn, that makes he sound like he doesn’t know how. He needs a chance to take care of X on his own because someday soon he will need to because I will go back to work. And Mike is X’s parent too and should be able to put him down for a nap or whatever on his own. Plus, I would feel so much better if I knew X didn’t cry the entire time I am gone since he is used to being alone with his dad.

Physically I am still healing. My cesarean section still hurts considerably and I am afraid that something may be wrong. I am going for a post-surgery massage because I need someone to tell me it is okay. I have a nasty scar which the doctor assured me would fade, but it is pretty knarly still. I have excess skin on my belly and stretch marks all over. And my butt is gone?! What the hell? I am 5 pounds lighter than I was when I got pregnant though, so hopefully in time I will also shrink. It is crazy to think that in the course of one year I gained and lost over 55 pounds, and swelled many inches in all sorts of places. A year is not very long. But I am ecstatic to be a normal size for my wedding, which is in about 8 months. Since I am a stay at home mom I actually get plenty of sleep, which is good because I am not good without sleep. I have no idea how working mom’s do it. I guess it becomes more of a team effort with Mike getting up with X at night, but right now, it works for us. All three of us are happy and healthy and building our family, and I love it. Every minute of it. PS. Did you see my freaken ring? I am still in shock.

Blogging solutions

I have a hard time remembering what I want to blog about. I have great ideas but never at the right time, then I forget. Or I'll go to write X's monthly update and have no idea what happened. So, my solution? Micro blogging! Aka, Twitter. See it over there. Yup that's right, constant updates on my adorable baby, parenting and my boobs. I hope no one actually follows my Twitter feed because that could be rough. Now I can reference it for blog updates and use it to keep my blog updated when I don't have time to write an entry. Whoo hoo social media.

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I know, I suck at blogging. I use blogging for three things: to vent, to whine and to document. So in the past when I have suddenly stopped blogging it has been because I am happy and busy or super lame and apathetic. Am I those? No. So, what is the problem? I have a 4.5 month old!! Holy fuck, it is like being a constant puppet master for the small dictator of the world. Constant entertainment, feeding, diaper changes, baths, cleaning and trying to eat and drink water. Plus clogged milk ducts, oversupply issues, synthetic material stink, finding pajamas that fit, sleep schedules, play dates, story time La Leche League meetings and writing letters of rec from the other life. Oh, and I AM GETTING MARRIED. Holy fuck. So, when the monster goes to bed, or naps, what do I do. Nothing. I look at my phone. I don't blog, or watch TV or read. I seriously look at my phone for like hours. Seriously, it is insane. I have never been this busy in my life. Mondays we have LLL and Otto play dates, Tuesday is library day, Wednesday is usually stay home day, Thursday is teaching day, Friday is grandma day, Saturday is seeing anyone with a job day, Sunday is Mike's time to go to Old Chicago and hang out with Scott, which shouldn't affect me but it does. Wait, that is only one thing each day. Don't forget the incessant laundry that cloth diapering creates, reading about solids, getting X to nap, cooking for Mike and I, actually eating and showering, researching carseats, learning toys and the impact of TV on little brains. Oh and we have a dog, and a budget, and I AM PLANNING A WEDDING. I miss blogging, but not as much as I miss uninterrupted sleep. Peace. Check out my ring.

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What month are we on?

So, month 4 was pretty awesome, but I haven't written anything about because of the so called four month wakeful period. And Mike being gone a lot. And X being almost mobile, definitely being more aware and demanding a whole lot more of attention. So, I will try to keep this as a month 4 update, but realize we are at 4.5 months, so it may be a little blurry.

So, X man, at 4 months (well, two days shy) you weighed 17 pounds and 15 ounces and were 26.5 inches tall. Yes, that is HUGE. You also hit most of your 6 month milestones already and thoroughly impressed your doctor. They have cleared you for solids, but we are waiting until 6 months because of growing evidence of the causes of childhood obesity, adult diabetes and quite frankly, nasty poop. So, your sole source of nutrients for those 18 pounds is mama. Yeah. We spend a lot of time "bonding."

At the beginning of this month we took a trip to Estes Park to hike around. I am not sure I would say that you were a fan of it necessarily, but you tolerated it. You like to be outdoors, but driving is not your favorite thing and I am not sure you get why we had to go to another town to spend time outside when there are plenty of open spaces near us. 

You definitely entered the 4 month wakeful about a week before 4 months, essentially skirting all naps or tricking me with 10 minutes at a time. Nights are not horrible, but you want to nurse all of the time at night, like every two hours.

We still go out with Otto and Allison at least once a week, and you are very interested in Otto, although not nearly as interested as you are with the baby in the mirror. However, you and Otto will at least chew on each other and share toys. Otto is much better at napping than you are, but I think it is because you like having mommy and Allison all to yourself. You still like everyone, but in particular young women. You are a total flirt.

Learning how to sit all by yourself

You spend a lot of time naked and playing at home. Sitting up is your newest accomplishment, although you fall over after a minute or two. By your 4 month appointment you could sit unassisted for at least a minute though. Apparently this is still really early because everyone is impressed with it.

The Boppy definitely helps

Just a tiny bit of help from mommy

 You have also mastered the MMMMM sound, which you find hilarious and making smacking noises with your mouth.


We have also invested in a Jumperoo which you love, although it wears you out and makes you cranky if you are in it too long. You love all toys, especially anything easy to lift and put in your mouth. You also seem to be teething, no teeth broken through yet, but you love chewing and drool A LOT. Since you can't really sit too well, and you are too chubby for the popular bumbo, we had to get you another chair, which you like a lot.

Chillin' in the chair

trying to escape the chair

Something other than X

I have a new obsession lately, pinterest.com. If you are not familiar, don't do it. It will suck away your life with all sorts of things you want to buy, do, build, cook and make. Not to mention the time you spend finding such things.

Lately I have been feeling very trapped. X is still really young and therefore needs a lot of attention. Plus he really wants to do more than he is physically capable of, which leads to me helping him sit, stand, walk and get close to things to touch, grab, taste and look at. And while all of this is totally exciting, sometimes I just need a break. It is just draining. So Mike offered to take X for four hours--two hours at his parents house then bring him home to nurse and I could leave for two more hours.

So, what did I do? I found crafts I could do on pinterest and went away to the craft store. First, let me say how nice it is to do something that takes both hands and some concentration for more than 10 minutes. I love my son more than anything, but the only things I do aside from him are laundry and cleaning, both of which need done ALL.THE.TIME. So craft time was amazing. I really wanted a fall wreath and I became obsessed with makeing modge podge coasters. No idea why, we have plenty of coasters. Maybe Christmas presents?

The wreath was sort of pricey since I had to buy all of the flowers, wire and base to make it, but I love it and it was way cheaper than buying one.

The coasters were pretty cheap. I had to buy a can of sealant to make them waterproof but that will last forever. The actual tiles are 16 cents each, I already had everything else. So I made 8 coasters for $11.28 and I can make a gazillion more for just $1.28 a set. I really like how they came out too. Next time I will leave a boarder like I did in the maroon background with white flower ones, I like how it looks better. So, here is to Donna time, as in Donna the person, not mom or milk lady.

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Oh memories

Right before my baby shower my lovely friend Rachel sent me this link. I nearly died laughing. The captions are priceless, as are the creepy ass cakes. I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. Even in my hormonal pregnant state I thought this was the funniest shit out there, and looking back on it, I still do. Thank you pregnant chicken, for all of your comic relief over the last year, as well as good information. And thanks mom for making me a normal cake.

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Nom nom nom

I'm not sure if I blogged about it, but I gave up gluten, dairy, eggs, peanuts and theoretically fish, but I don't eat fish anyway, for x. I am back on gluten but I still have all this random food around, like chex. Chex are gluten free and taste pretty good with coconut or almond milk. They also make yummy snacks like muddy buddies. Today I made some. I had to use earth balance instead of butter, almond butter instead of peanuts and bakers chocolate instead of chips-all chips have milk fat in them! I also subbed almond extract for vanilla. Result? Amazing, although next time I'll go with vanilla as the almond over powered the chocolates

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Please, go the fuck to sleep

Lately X has been sleeping poorly. Well, lately X has not been sleeping. "Normally" he takes a 9:30 nap for about 30-45 minutes, then a two hour nap at 1:00, then a little 30 minute nap in the evening, at like 5:30. Then bed at 8:00. It has never really been an issue. Now he is boycotting morning naps all together and going down for a nap between 2 and 4. Urg. Plus he is getting up all the time during the night to nurse. Like every two hours. So I get maybe an hour of sleep by the time I wake up, nurse him, burp him, get him back to sleep, get him in his co-sleeper, comfort him some more and fall asleep myself. I am exhausted. However, I don't have to go to work, and honestly, I think it is normal for a baby to sleep like this, especially one who may be cutting teeth. That is why I am a stay at home mom, but it makes me SUPER cranky at 5 AM. However, in the nick of time, I found this article that just gave me a little encouragement. I am SO against sleep training, but every once in a while that voice in the back of my head questions my instincts and judgements, but the letters MD at the end of an article can really give me the courage to keep going.

Essentially this is what it says. Babies are super vulnerable, biologically speaking. They can't eat, walk, fight, hide. Essentially, all animals are born when their brains will fit. Well, X's didn't, but you get the idea. They do not know they are born into a developed country in the 21st century. All they know is they will get eaten by something if someone is not there to protect them.

All humans are like this. We have no protection except our ability to live in groups. People wake up all night long, sense safety and go back to sleep. This is interesting for someone with insomnia like myself because I essentially wake up and DON'T sense safety and don't go back to sleep.That is an entirely different blog though. One that doesn't exist, and one that I would probably need lots of therapy to write.

The article goes on to say that as Americans we stress that babies need to learn to sleep alone, to avoid dependency issues, when in reality it is the opposite. Babies don't need to sleep alone, they need to co-sleep. This makes me feel so much better about the fact that X has never, not once, actually slept in his crib. Someday I hope he does, but again, that is more for me than for him. I want my bed back, and Mike back. The end point is that parents measure how good at "parenting" they are based on normal baby behaviors. Most kids don't sleep through the night. That doesn't make me a bad parent. Sleeping with X will mean he wakes up more to nurse, it will also mean he won't die of SIDS or have abandonment issues. Truthfully, if he were in his crib, I would probably be sleeping on his floor anyway, or staying awake ALL night watching the monitor lights and creeping in to peek on him. Some people manage just fine, I hope at 6 months I do, because I feel like at 6 months it will be better for all of us for him to sleep in his crib. Right now, I just want him to sleep in his co-sleeper or pack and play, but that doesn't seem to be happening either. I just need to keep repeating "X's sleep habits don't make you a good or bad parent. It is just where he is developmentally, and you giving him what he needs which is you" over and over again. At least he is snuggly.

PS--I wrote this over the course of a week. It may seem choppy. Oh and X, he is sleeping on me right now because he wouldn't nap otherwise. At least dinner is already cooking.

PSS--read my disclaimer, its okay if you do this differently, I am not judging anyone, I am just justifying my decisions to myself. Yeah, I really should seek psychiatric help.

Baby Don't Cry

I recently read an article about a Harvard study on responding to infants crying. Again, parenting is a parent's decision, but it is nice to have science back me up instead of just saying a feels right. Babies do not need to cry, ever, or get used to being alone. That is for convenience and American norms, which is fine, but it is not for the baby's good.

"Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry..."Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."
check it out here

"Recent scientific tests have revealed that babies left to cry-it-out have been found to have higher levels of stress hormones in their brains. This hormone becomes toxic at high levels, causing damage to the developing infants."
 and here

The Planning

I spend a ridiculous amount of time planning how I will reintroduce dairy, eggs and wheat in 11 days. Planning, fantasizing, same diff. Like, should I start with milk and get a venti latte at starbucks followed by a trip to cold stone? Or should I start with wheat and make a pasta dinner with french bread? See, if I start with wheat I get no butter on my bread, but if I start with dairy I get no brownies in my ice cream. Maybe I should start with eggs, then dairy and then hit the jackpot with french toast!Or maybe I should just make the best cake ever....with ice cream. Or strawberry short cakes....or brownies...oh man, the possibilities are endless.

3 months

I think three months is when you stop counting the weeks and move into months. It is just too confusing for the rest of the world that 12 weeks is not 3 months. So we will just do "a little over three months" or whatever. Anyway, in three days X you really are three months old.

This month has been an amazing journey. I feel like you have changed so much, which is heartbreaking and rewarding simultaneously. I am sure your brain and development were just as strong in the first two months of life outside, but for those watching you, month three has been the most noticeable. I loved the baby you were, but I adore the little boy you are today. You are so much fun. You smile and laugh, you play and occupy yourself if I need you to, but you still love to snuggle and sleep in my arms. You hold my hand when you sleep and "kiss" me (essentially wipe your open mouth across my cheek and giggle). You love to sit up and play. Your favorite song is ba ba black sheep and you will just laugh when I sing it. I just know I will miss this time when I am your absolute favorite toy. You never want to be put down, but you will tolerate it. I dread the day when you tell me to put you down so you can play alone.

This month was a big one. We went to Kansas where you were a huge hit. Your great grandparents loved you of course, but you were a HUGE fan of great grandpa Jim. You, like always, were a happy baby and just smiled and laughed at everyone. You actually slept quite well in the hotel. The only issue was the car, which you hated, but to be fair we stuck you in a car seat for 20 hours out of 96 hours--and that doesn't count all of the driving around in Kansas.

When we got back from Kansas your dad had to go to Iowa for two weeks (it ended up being 10 days). That is when you and I really learned how to make our life work. Being a single parent is not something I ever want to do, but I can do it. We made it. Dad still isn't home for more than an hour when you are awake, but that will change in another week. You are a little reserved around your dad now, but you will get over it soon.

On the other hand grandma Roberta spent a lot of time with us and you love her. She is your favorite person to sleep on and she can always calm you down, which is almost never needed. We go grocery shopping together, or to the mall, or for a walk, and you love all of it.

You also really like Sophie the giraffe, your play mat and rocking chair and a bug that vibrates. You mostly like anything soft and love to have baby massages or your face tickled. You are incredible strong and like to stand up and wave your arms about very similarly to godzilla. You can sit unassisted for a short period of time, but if I lean you back you spend every second trying to do crunches to sit up. You are becoming very independent and active. Plus, you are a talker, we have entire conversations and while your dad was away you talked to him every night on the phone.

I just love you so much little man, I love the age that you are and I am so scared of you growing up too fast. Happy 3 month birthday.